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-   -   Life Should my bro leave his girl? (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=304240)

TripleThreat 12-06-2016 01:45 AM
Should my bro leave his girl?
 
Thanks for the answers bros. Just wanted some quick little feedback and got it. Thanks for that!

threebag 12-06-2016 01:48 AM
Has he given consideration to pimping her out?

mdchiefsfan 12-06-2016 01:53 AM
Asking for a friend?

TripleThreat 12-06-2016 01:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mdchiefsfan (Post 12599045)
Asking for a friend?
:clap:

RobBlake 12-06-2016 01:59 AM
Leave her. It will do both of them *you* a favor. A child is best served by having parents following their passions and being happy themselves. People make the mistake of dropping everything for their child, which in many cases you don't need to drop everything, but you need to change the way you approach life. It's not healthy to not give maintenance to your own life. Your child will see this, even if you put on the facade everything is okay. You're only wasting time missing out on being with someone who gives you a bolt of energy to be better you, and the same to your significant other.

Otter 12-06-2016 02:08 AM
Maybe he's reached a time in life when it's a good idea to marry a porn star.

splatbass 12-06-2016 02:13 AM
Is this Dear Abby?

CoMoChief 12-06-2016 02:43 AM
The child is only 5yrs old?

Absolutely move on. More than likely said child hasn't formed any real childhood relationships, so she moves to another school in kindergarten? big deal that's not an issue.

The sad thing is, people get divorced all the time now. Assuming the gf is the child's mother - Why hasn't he married her by now? It's been at least 5yrs? If he hasn't done it by now, even with having a kid w/ her, then he never had intentions on marrying her, or staying with her.

You can't be married to someone and not truly love them and expect it to work.

And why would he only see his daughter once every weekend. If he's more financially stable it shouldn't be hard to get joint custody.

Custody always has the possibility of being negotiable down the road.

TripleThreat 12-06-2016 02:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoMoChief (Post 12599056)
The child is only 5yrs old?

Absolutely move on.

The sad thing is, people get divorced all the time now. Assuming the gf is the child's mother - Why hasn't he married her by now? It's been 5yrs? If he hasn't done it by now, even with having a kid w/ her, then he never had intentions on marrying her, or staying with her.

And why would he only see his daughter once every weekend. If he's more financially stable it shouldn't be hard to get joint custody.
If they break up, she moves far away back home. Probably wouldn't even be every other weekend more like holidays aND every other summer

mdchiefsfan 12-06-2016 02:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RobBlake (Post 12599047)
Leave her. It will do both of them *you* a favor. A child is best served by having parents following their passions and being happy themselves. People make the mistake of dropping everything for their child, which in many cases you don't need to drop everything, but you need to change the way you approach life. It's not healthy to not give maintenance to your own life. Your child will see this, even if you put on the facade everything is okay. You're only wasting time missing out on being with someone who gives you a bolt of energy to be better you, and the same to your significant other.
Pretty sound answer here. If "your brother" and her can be adults about it, and approach resolution amicably, then you're both looking out for the welfare of the child far more than you would be by trying to cope with each other.

Advise your brother to keep that in perspective when/if discussions begin.

TripleThreat 12-06-2016 02:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RobBlake (Post 12599047)
Leave her. It will do both of them *you* a favor. A child is best served by having parents following their passions and being happy themselves. People make the mistake of dropping everything for their child, which in many cases you don't need to drop everything, but you need to change the way you approach life. It's not healthy to not give maintenance to your own life. Your child will see this, even if you put on the facade everything is okay. You're only wasting time missing out on being with someone who gives you a bolt of energy to be better you, and the same to your significant other.
Thanks for the response

cabletech94 12-06-2016 03:11 AM
12 posts in and im the first thats asking for pics?

i pity what has become of CP.

/good luck to your "brother".

kcxiv 12-06-2016 04:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TripleThreat (Post 12599058)
If they break up, she moves far away back home. Probably wouldn't even be every other weekend more like holidays aND every other summer
This part sucks, but in the end, the kid will eventually be able to tell. Kids arent as stupid as older people think! Another thing is the dude will end up despising the mother and the kid might have to suffer through bullshit.

Also, i dont know how it is where yall live, but a mother cannot take her kid and just simply flee the state. There are laws. He needs to check into them. I know my friend wanted to move to texas, but she cant, because the dad wont allow it.

kcxiv 12-06-2016 04:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cabletech94 (Post 12599068)
12 posts in and im the first thats asking for pics?

i pity what has become of CP.

/good luck to your "brother".
except this isnt really a "pic's" thread.

Trench 12-06-2016 04:12 AM
Custody of the daughter isn't something to put off until later. Get joint custody now. Once she's left the state, you'll be basically screwed getting time with your daughter.

ETA: Speak with an attorney, forthwith.

Mile High Mania 12-06-2016 05:02 AM
Blunt honesty.

So, 'he' has a 5 year old daughter and 'thinks' he has fallen out of love with her mother... anything can happen, I suppose, but I doubt he was ever really in love with her.

I think he was in love with the idea of being a daddy and having a psedudo normal family life with his daughter. (just without all that wife and being married baggage) Honesty is the best policy and he has to remember that he's teaching his daughter what she should look for in a man, how to be as a woman and what to expect from a relationship.

Figure it out from there... everything else is drama bullshit. It could be a bitter pill (likely will be), but this is what happens when people just start having kids without thinking about 'down the road'. Someone mentioned custody - I can't imagine that's going to be easy.

Good luck and all, but I see a tough road ahead. The guy needs to respect himself, the mother of his kid and his daughter - do what's right here and not continue to kick this can down the road to a primetime segment of Jerry Springer.

TimeForWasp 12-06-2016 05:16 AM
How could we possibly work antifreeze into this equation ?

bevischief 12-06-2016 06:23 AM
Sometimes you take different paths.

Don Corlemahomes 12-06-2016 07:19 AM
Your brother should make an adult decision for himself because he is an adult human being.

Don Corlemahomes 12-06-2016 07:20 AM
Oh, and what's her porn star status?

Rasputin 12-06-2016 07:28 AM
I feel sorry for the 5 year old daughter she deserves a real dad and you are no real dad and when I say you I mean your "brother"

Dayze 12-06-2016 07:29 AM
for some people it's cost prohibitive to split up.
not sure what his financial situation is like, but over the last 5 years probably 4 or 5 of my friends have divorced....each seemingly more ****ed over than the last. One pays 2400/mo in alimony and child support, and his ex doesn't work (because she didn't work when they were together).

another split and pays nearly $1k in child support and he can't afford to live on his own. 42 years old and has been living with his parents for the past 3 years and will be for teh foreseable future.

I can't even imagine having to shell out that much coin per month.

Mile High Mania 12-06-2016 07:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayze (Post 12599115)
for some people it's cost prohibitive to split up.
not sure what his financial situation is like, but over the last 5 years probably 4 or 5 of my friends have divorced....each seemingly more ****ed over than the last. One pays 2400/mo in alimony and child support, and his ex doesn't work (because she didn't work when they were together).

another split and pays nearly $1k in child support and he can't afford to live on his own. 42 years old and has been living with his parents for the past 3 years and will be for teh foreseable future.

I can't even imagine having to shell out that much coin per month.
Life sucks sometimes... not saying there aren't shitty situations, but the kid(s) come first when the parents split.

luv 12-06-2016 08:09 AM
As someone who was a child of a couple who tried staying together "for the kids' sake", I can honestly say that I would have been happier had they not.

Would you rather your child:

a. see two people who are miserable and find out later that it was basically your fault (because, after all, they stayed together because of you); or

b. see your parents be happy and know that, although they may not be around 100% of the time, they love you more than anything?

Simply put, it's rarely more beneficial for anyone involved, including any children, if people who do not love each other stay together.

Also, as a female, I bet her behavior getting worse is because she senses his desire to be with someone else. Small gestures can go a long way in reassuring her she's secure in the relationship. Find out her love language. Would he need to spend a romantic evening with her, do some household chores that she usually takes care of, compliment her a little more often, etc.? If he's not willing to take the time or effort to do any of those things, or if he has no desire to find our what would work, then he should definitely leave. Relationships take two people. If one has "checked out", then there is no relationship. It sounds like he checked out a while ago.

notorious 12-06-2016 08:15 AM
If he is putting out effort to show her "love" and she is still a bitch it's time to go.


If she responds well to the love, the relationship just needs more effort.

Titty Meat 12-06-2016 08:21 AM
Lemme **** her

BWillie 12-06-2016 08:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TripleThreat (Post 12599041)
I told my brother he should...... but im curious to see what u guys think.

My bro says that's he's fallen out of love with his girlfriend and says he misses an older friend (girl of his past)... he says he flirts with other girls which I find normal because everyone flirts with everyone but he tells me he isn't sure I'f he wants to leave his gf because he doesn't want to lose his daughter. He says that if he leaves his gf he could lose out on a ton of memory's with his kid simply for trying to pursue his own happyness. Now he says his gf has just become a complete bitch. Complaining more than she's not, and it's been this way for some time. Always jealous and controlling, very emotional and unpredictable... I told him at first it might be a phase but he says it's always been this way, and just thought it would fix itself with time but it never has. I can relate with him on this because my girl is the same way in certain areas but it's never been or gotten to a point like this and we were able to fix it...

Bottom line, is should he leave his gf for his own happiness but lose out on precious time with his 5 year old daughter meaning he only sees her maybe every other summer or holidays because of the distance between the broken up homes... Or does he stick it out for the sake of his daughter and hope things will turn out for the better? He says he still loves her as a person but just not like he once did and feels like he deserves more in a relationship, a'lot more....
Acquire currency, disregard females.

jjchieffan 12-06-2016 08:25 AM
I Don't give a crap about your dirty laundry. I just came in here to tell you how stupid you are for discussing this with a bunch of strangers on a football forum. That's done. Now this thread is going in the ignore thread list. Moron.

ThaVirus 12-06-2016 08:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayze (Post 12599115)
for some people it's cost prohibitive to split up.
not sure what his financial situation is like, but over the last 5 years probably 4 or 5 of my friends have divorced....each seemingly more ****ed over than the last. One pays 2400/mo in alimony and child support, and his ex doesn't work (because she didn't work when they were together).

another split and pays nearly $1k in child support and he can't afford to live on his own. 42 years old and has been living with his parents for the past 3 years and will be for teh foreseable future.

I can't even imagine having to shell out that much coin per month.
That is ****ing tragic.

JakeLV 12-06-2016 08:37 AM
I'm probably going to be in the minority here.

If you're talking about being unhappy to folks other than the person you're unhappy with, then you're doing it wrong.

Communication is absolutely the key. If "your brother" feels beat down by the girlfriend, she likely feels beat down by things he does as well (and this is likely true, even if she's batshit crazy).

Women and men don't communicate the same way either, so meet in the middle. Don't tell her what she's doing wrong (because it instantly makes folks defensive), but tell how the things she does and says makes you FEEL.

If you can establish that line of communication, and you can air out your grievances and get it all out there in the light, only THEN are you really at a place where you can make a decision about whether you want to move on. Right now? You're miserable. You're tired of getting beat up. You're tired of the fighting. So stop fighting and start talking. If you can do that, you can decide whether what you once had is worth working toward, or if there is too much pain and anger between you two to bridge the gap.

As far as kids go, I wouldn't advocate staying together just for her. Kids want parents who love each other and give them that strong foundation. If you can't do it (and you really need to look at whether you CAN put in the work), then move on.

Good luck.

luv 12-06-2016 08:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayze (Post 12599115)
for some people it's cost prohibitive to split up.
not sure what his financial situation is like, but over the last 5 years probably 4 or 5 of my friends have divorced....each seemingly more ****ed over than the last. One pays 2400/mo in alimony and child support, and his ex doesn't work (because she didn't work when they were together).

another split and pays nearly $1k in child support and he can't afford to live on his own. 42 years old and has been living with his parents for the past 3 years and will be for teh foreseable future.

I can't even imagine having to shell out that much coin per month.
What's the visitation situation? Typically, the less time a parent has with a child, the more they pay financially.

allen_kcCard 12-06-2016 10:45 AM
Didn't read all the replies, but personally, I'd live with my worst enemy in the entire world and do it with a grin if it meant I didn't have to be without my child for even 1 second just because someone else told me I couldn't be with them at that time.

Canofbier 12-06-2016 11:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JakeLV (Post 12599185)
I'm probably going to be in the minority here.

If you're talking about being unhappy to folks other than the person you're unhappy with, then you're doing it wrong.

Communication is absolutely the key. If "your brother" feels beat down by the girlfriend, she likely feels beat down by things he does as well (and this is likely true, even if she's batshit crazy).

Women and men don't communicate the same way either, so meet in the middle. Don't tell her what she's doing wrong (because it instantly makes folks defensive), but tell how the things she does and says makes you FEEL.

If you can establish that line of communication, and you can air out your grievances and get it all out there in the light, only THEN are you really at a place where you can make a decision about whether you want to move on. Right now? You're miserable. You're tired of getting beat up. You're tired of the fighting. So stop fighting and start talking. If you can do that, you can decide whether what you once had is worth working toward, or if there is too much pain and anger between you two to bridge the gap.

As far as kids go, I wouldn't advocate staying together just for her. Kids want parents who love each other and give them that strong foundation. If you can't do it (and you really need to look at whether you CAN put in the work), then move on.

Good luck.
I'm not someone with a lot of experience with this sort of thing, but Jake's response seems reasonable to me. Only thing I'll add is that marriage/relationship counseling exists largely for this sort of situation. Honest communication between two people about something this sensitive is hard, and a professional third party may be able to help work things out. Once the couple has a mutual understanding of the things that aren't working for them, they can either work it out or part a little more amicably knowing that it's best for them both in the long run.

Dayze 12-06-2016 11:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 12599196)
What's the visitation situation? Typically, the less time a parent has with a child, the more they pay financially.
hmm. that's a good point.
come to think of it, the guy that pays through the nose is like Wednesdays and over other weekend.

the guy that's $1k/mo is something like 5 days on, 5 days off or something very similar to that.

Dayze 12-06-2016 11:35 AM
just to clarify, my 'cost prohibitive' statement. I have two friends where they (their wives and themselves) basically don't like each other any longer, but they both realize they would be screwed financially if they were to split up.

that's where I was going with that statement.

Predarat 12-06-2016 01:28 PM
http://www.prdaily.com/Uploads/Publi...ow_spicoli.jpg

RobBlake 12-06-2016 04:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JakeLV (Post 12599185)
I'm probably going to be in the minority here.

If you're talking about being unhappy to folks other than the person you're unhappy with, then you're doing it wrong.

Communication is absolutely the key. If "your brother" feels beat down by the girlfriend, she likely feels beat down by things he does as well (and this is likely true, even if she's batshit crazy).

Women and men don't communicate the same way either, so meet in the middle. Don't tell her what she's doing wrong (because it instantly makes folks defensive), but tell how the things she does and says makes you FEEL.

If you can establish that line of communication, and you can air out your grievances and get it all out there in the light, only THEN are you really at a place where you can make a decision about whether you want to move on. Right now? You're miserable. You're tired of getting beat up. You're tired of the fighting. So stop fighting and start talking. If you can do that, you can decide whether what you once had is worth working toward, or if there is too much pain and anger between you two to bridge the gap.

As far as kids go, I wouldn't advocate staying together just for her. Kids want parents who love each other and give them that strong foundation. If you can't do it (and you really need to look at whether you CAN put in the work), then move on.

Good luck.
yep, first thing I learned in Comm class in college was never start or engage in a disagreement by using the words YOU AWLAYS.. or YOU DON'T.. etc. Always put the weight on yourself and how you're experiencing things emotionally and it will sound less aggressive and more open to communication

RINGLEADER 12-06-2016 05:48 PM
Does he like her/does she make him happy?

Does she want to split?

I've never understood people who fight to try to stay with someone who doesn't like them or work at relationships that make them unhappy. Just makes zero sense.

lewdog 12-06-2016 05:54 PM
Can your dick touch your butthole?

notorious 12-06-2016 05:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RobBlake (Post 12600099)
yep, first thing I learned in Comm class in college was never start or engage in a disagreement by using the words YOU AWLAYS.. or YOU DON'T.. etc. Always put the weight on yourself and how you're experiencing things emotionally and it will sound less aggressive and more open to communication

Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes.


My wife is a Sith Lord.

38yrsfan 12-06-2016 06:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by allen_kcCard (Post 12599414)
Didn't read all the replies, but personally, I'd live with my worst enemy in the entire world and do it with a grin if it meant I didn't have to be without my child for even 1 second just because someone else told me I couldn't be with them at that time.
Agree completely.

Luv - Been there done that but came away with a different perspective. The sacrifice of both for the child. That is an exceptional level of love.

factortobe 12-06-2016 06:46 PM
ROFL
Quote:
Originally Posted by threebag02 (Post 12599043)
Has he given consideration to pimping her out?
ROFL

Beef Supreme 12-06-2016 06:51 PM
If he would quit hoeing and wait on God, he could live the life he always wanted.

seclark 12-06-2016 06:59 PM
billay and lewdogROFL
sec

ThaVirus 12-06-2016 09:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayze (Post 12599516)
just to clarify, my 'cost prohibitive' statement. I have two friends where they (their wives and themselves) basically don't like each other any longer, but they both realize they would be screwed financially if they were to split up.

that's where I was going with that statement.

In my 20s and I already know a few couples like that.

threebag 12-06-2016 10:47 PM
Damn i pay $1279 a month for 1 child and have him all the time.

Buehler445 12-07-2016 01:48 AM
I'm obviously in the minority here, but here is the way I see it:

As soon as you create a life you are then responsible for it and EVERYTHING else comes second to the needs of the kid. He gave up the freedom to do whatever the **** he wants when the two of them made a baby. If that means they are stuck together they better figure it out.

I am also not too dumb to realize a relationship takes 2 people. But honestly, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try to make it work for the kiddo.

JMO. Not judging anybody for anything.

RobBlake 12-07-2016 02:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RINGLEADER (Post 12600177)
Does he like her/does she make him happy?

Does she want to split?

I've never understood people who fight to try to stay with someone who doesn't like them or work at relationships that make them unhappy. Just makes zero sense.
that's because you can't make anyone feel anything.. people choose to feel a certain way

Pasta Little Brioni 12-07-2016 06:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 12600568)
In my 20s and I already know a few couples like that.
That seems absolutely terrible...JFC

Pablo 12-07-2016 06:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjchieffan (Post 12599171)
I Don't give a crap about your dirty laundry. I just came in here to tell you how stupid you are for discussing this with a bunch of strangers on a football forum. That's done. Now this thread is going in the ignore thread list. Moron.
Yeah, but you believe the earth is 6,000 years old, so....

notorious 12-07-2016 06:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 12600568)
In my 20s and I already know a few couples like that.
I know people that have been together 20 years that hate each other but love each other.

It's idiotic.

Pasta Little Brioni 12-07-2016 07:01 AM
Get a bang maid, notorious

alanm 12-07-2016 07:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigMeatballBillay (Post 12599165)
Lemme **** her
You know what Billay? Sometime you can be a real ass. :shake:

threebag 12-07-2016 07:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by alanm (Post 12600914)
You know what Billay? Sometime you can be a real ass. :shake:
It was a joke, everyone knows he likes dudes.

They don't call him mouth hug for nothing.

alanm 12-07-2016 08:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by threebag02 (Post 12600927)
It was a joke, everyone knows he likes dudes.

They don't call him mouth hug for nothing.
Well then if he's gay, What would he know about what a woman needs. ;)

threebag 12-07-2016 09:03 AM
Because he shares their needs as he is the fem

Don Corlemahomes 12-07-2016 09:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigChiefTablet (Post 12600287)
If he would quit hoeing and wait on God, he could live the life he always wanted.
You know what they say: On the seventh day, god created tinder

Beef Supreme 12-07-2016 10:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cunning Linguist (Post 12601070)
You know what they say: On the seventh day, god created tinder
I nail the cross thread humor and get this? Lame.

alanm 12-07-2016 10:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cunning Linguist (Post 12601070)
You know what they say: On the seventh day, god created tinder
Tinder only works if your in your 20's. I'm a older male. :D


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