Cockamamie Hog Shit that Pisses You Off
 

I had to buy a new battery, which normally isn't such a big deal. However, when I went to pop it out at the store (to avoid the core charge) the nut on the negative terminal was rounded off and I didn't have the tools to cut it off.

I get home and let it go for a few days, because I didn't feel like ****ing with it.

Just went outside and managed to get the 10mm rounded nut off with an 11/32 socket (didn't have to use the Dremel to cut it off, fortunately), but the metal strips that secure the battery down from the top are inveterate ****ing ****s, particularly the back strip, which is secured by a foot long rod with a hooked tip.

Trying to fit that mother****er into the back slot made me feel like one of those Apple slaves that launch themselves from the top of the factory into a better life. Of course, every time you try to tighten the front screw it moves the back post and nothing short of a ****ing voodoo spell was going to get that mother****er in.

That's the part that pisses me off about car repair. The job itself is never particularly difficult, but there is always one asshole mother****er of a fastener, nut, or screw the ends up taking 20 times longer than the ****ing job itself.

Am I the only one so enraged by such stupid shit?

This is why I'm a shit mechanic. Dad is a ****ing wizard at making shit like that work.

I can make spreadsheets do amazing things, but can be brought to my knees by a ****ing fastener.

Wife's car isn't better. She has an 11 Buick Regal. I change the oil in it because I like to check things over while I'm in there (and I'm cheap). So it has an internal oil filter, which is cool. So it's got a cap on it that takes 1-1/4. No problem. I've got a socket. Mother****er it's under a bunch of shit. No problem I've got a wrench. But you can't get to it straight, and you have to run the wrench through these ****ing wiring conduits (always a good ****ing idea). So that's the best option, and you have to fight to get maybe 1/25th of a turn at a time. It takes me 8 - 10 min just to get the ****ing oil filter out. Then I have to get the bitch back on. Mother**** GM.

I recently replaced my battery but the minions at war mart do the install for free

It was the best deal on a battery after looking around at different brands so **** it

Screws and bolts are why I work in an office.

Vise grips. Use them. I've had to several times over the years when this happens.

Hell, this thread is my life. I'm generally raging and cursing and throwing things when I'm working on something, because dumb shit makes me crazy, especially when I just know it's coming. I'll try to think of an interesting example. brb

lol! i know the feeling, im a shit mechanic myself, and im very impatient. these guys work amazing for getting off bolts that are round off.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51N7EFNSJ5L.jpg

It's why I don't try to fix much. I get so enraged when something simple doesn't work and I spend way too much time trying to get it right. It's why I don't mind paying someone to do it. Sometimes the stress isn't worth the money you might save.

Pretty much everything that has to do with plumbing.

Need a new faucet? Get ready for 43 trips to the hardware store because nothing you had works with the new faucet even if they look identical.

Changing out a dishwasher? May as well buy a new house.

Last few times I bought a battery, they changed out the battery and charged me a $5.00 disposal fee for the old battery. Seems like a good system to me.

I'm calm when shit hits the fan and big/unexpected stuff happens, and managers say they never see me stressed out.... but, stupid little shit and inefficiency can drive me crazy. Fortunately, I've learned to let it go pretty quickly, so I can scream at Outlook when it crashes, but not really give it a second thought..... well, except for those rare times when 600 small and stupid things happen all in the same minute.

I ****ing hate working on or even messing with my vehicle in the winter. I put it off as long as possible until Spring time if I know something is wrong. I'm a bitch about cold weather. Yet I work in it for 6 hours a day regardless of temp.

It's a ripoff because they get paid for recycling it.

Something annoying an unexpected like this happened to me recently. I was recently putting in a hanging light fixture in the basement. It was a plug in light that hangs from the ceiling. Instead of running an extension cord or wiring the fixture in I was just going to plug it into the existing fixture with a bulb insert adaptor. I got the fixture hung so no big deal, I was almost done.

The fixture had a pull chain and I had to turn it off to get the bulb out. Well the pull chain decided to break, but not before I pulled it, turning the fixture into the off position. Terrific. Since I was using that fixture it had to be in the on position.

Instead of ten minutes of hanging the fixture and plugging it in, I had to go to the store for a replacement pull chain fixture and install that which of course requires turning off the power, working in the pitch dark with a flash light, and doing the wiring. I should of been done in ten minutes but because the chain broke I had to spend an extra half hour on the little project.

But if you really want to get mad, go work on a Deere. They have some dumbass engineers in that joint. We demo'd a new combine a couple years ago. The deal was we could cut this tiny field of corn while they demod it to other customers if we would provide the fuel. No biggie.

Well the fuel tanks on the 70 series combines are fine. The cap is like this.

http://i01.i.aliimg.com/photo/v1/898...n_Deere_JD.jpg

You can unlock it and pull it off with one hand, while you have the fuel nozzle in the other hand, and it has a retaining chain that runs on the inside of the cap to the inside of the tank. When you're done, you can reinstall it and lock it with one hand, while you have the fuel nozzle in the other. Works great.

So that's what I'm expecting when I haul fuel to this bitch****. So I crawl up there with the fuel nozzle in one hand and see this bitch.

http://imavex.vo.llnwd.net/o18/clien.../DAT156445.jpg

Now, some asshole has this one with a retaining chain from the top of the cap to the outside of the tank. This one unscrews instead of unlocks. So each one of those goofy ass points on that one who sucks the penis took two hands to unhook the chain from, all while I'm holding the nozzle and douching myself with diesel.

I've never been so pissed off at a fuel cap. FFS, you have to crawl up there, use two hands to get the ****ing cap off, go back down, get the nozzle, pump the fuel, take the nozzle back down, crawl up again to use two hands to reinstall the ****ing fuel cap. It's ****ing fuel people. If they can't get that bullshit right, how on earth can they expect to thresh grain. ****.

I'd rather pay someone to do anything menial. I don't have the patience to make any amount of savings worth it. I've recently started taking guitar lessons to see if I can overcome my explicit lack of any ability to pay attention to small details.

I get enraged about how increasingly difficult it has become to get items out of their packages after you buy them. I get it....it prevents kleptos from stealing them, but when I spend more minutes on trying to get the giant Rupunzel doll that I bought my daughter for Christmas, than the actual amount of dollars that I spent purchasing it (it was expensive....from my perspective anyways), then this whole binding items to their packages thing has become excessive.

I'm convinced at some point in time an engineer's wife slept with a mechanic which led to the little nerds joining together and vowing to **** with all mechanics for all of eternity.

I love off season Hamas threads, BTW.

I'm with you guys . I hate anything related to working on a vehicle. In fact I had to change a ****ing tire on the wifes car yesterday and by the time I dug out the jack and spare I was so pissed I only put 1 lug nut back on, and knowing it was eventually gonna happen to the other three tires I just went ahead and took all the extra lug nuts off them.

Buehler your rants are awesome.

And why did you have to use the term "Hog Shit" in the OP ???

ROFL

**** plumbing. Right in the tooth.

Every time I use them, the fastener is then done. If I did it on battery cables I'd never get it tight again, I'd just have to buy a new end.

Were you around when we did that? I can't remember. That's the brand new combine dad caught on fire.

That was the year after in was out there I think. But I do have a pic somewhere of is smoking combine.

Clamshell packaging enrages me.....

It's worth it to me to avoid scenarios like Hamas endured. Also you cant just throw a battery in the trash. Another hassle to avoid. I'll pay $5 all day every day. My sanity and time is worth way more than that to me anyway.

I understood like 5 works in the OP LMAO

Being behind kansas drivers in the left lane.

I've had a cold the last few days. Those damn packages that the put the cold pills in pisses me off. You just can't peel the damn back off the packaging. You have to pick and peel that shit back.:mad:

:cuss:

Dr. prescribed me a round of Prednisone, of course I get the generic, and Christ if that packaging isn't the bane of my existence.

A year ago, my response would have been a rant about some of the new mounting mechanisms for toilet paper holders and towel racks......things that appear mundane and simple but aren't are always infurating. When I'm fixing stuff and get stuck, I usually end up with a busted knuckle, throw a baby fit and stomp away for a little bit...and then when I get back, it works like magic. I'm trying to walk away before the previously required knuckle busting now.

That's not my biggest irritation today though....

Friday, the pup I got for my kids this fall disappeared. I figured a car hit him, a coyote ate him, some dog ebola-ebola'd him....and late Friday night I get a message that someone in a town a few miles away has my dog online as "rescued"....from in front of my home, but I digress.

I message the person, tell them it's my canine, describe it with the color of the collar. I get an address and tell them I'll be down to pick him up in the morning.

At the time specified I drive to the location and immediately, as expected find it to be a meth den that smelled like generic cigarettes and dog shit as the apartments appear to be welfare cases with doors open and dogs running wild.

I go to knock on the door, but it's open, the dude who "rescued" my canine is in the doorway, his 300lb hottie is holding my dog by the collar. I can't breath or see them as well as I should due to the smoke rolling out and try to skip the small talk to collect my dog.

He makes a statement that takes a second to sink in, but I catch "$20" .....i feel my face contort like I'm concussed.....and then he says it again to clarify...and he says "maybe you've heard of a finders fee"... I find myself snapping from my haze of confusion and hear the words coming out of my mouth....
"When you take someone's dog from near their house it's called stealing, and what you're asking for is called Ransom.....Maybe you've seen the movie "taken"?......give me my ****ing dog."


Right now, Scuzbags piss me off more than both battery posts and towel racks.

LMAO

I would be pissed too. This is an awesome visualization.

If he had said "good luck" I probably would have fed his heart to my dog.

Dead somebody Iowanian.

ROFL

ROFL @ Iowanian.

Being a methhead is one thing. Taking someones dog?:mad:

Iowanian-you are lucky to be alive

I am convinced that car compaines have deliberatly designed autos to be non-servicable by anyone but a 130.00/hr mechanic. I just had to replace the headlight on my 04 Dakota.
It would have taken my 2 hours to do what it took the mechanic 30 minutes to do. plus he has the tools and a heated garage. I don't.
Started going to a local-not dealer-mechanic for the truck. It cost 80.00 to fix the light. 20 for light, 60 for labor. ugh.

The thing I'm not sure about is if in their mind they "rescued" the dog and felt entitled to compensation or if it's a new "thing" to make money.

I took the dog to the vet for a parvo booster as soon as I left, and he said there is are quite a few people who seem to think every dog that isn't tied or kenneled need to be "saved"...and said he knew of dog basically being "saved" out of yards. Most of them are loony crazy cat lady types.

Thats why I wasn't sure, but when they said where it was "found" it was in front of my damn house.

I think most people doing it are well intentioned morons, this one I'm not positive. It was just odd. If they actually intended to steal him, they'd have had him for sale online or on chineese buffet somewhere, but had him listed as rescued.

I was annoyed to have to go that far to get him when I knew he didn't get there alone.....but the $20 thing pissed me off pretty bad.

If the dog had wondered off and they'd have kept him a couple of days, i'd have offered. I always pay my way. When the world's dumbest pony escaped, I paid 2 people for garden damage but this case felt like ransom....Pay or we keep the dog was how it felt with her holding it inside while he talked. F that.

Maybe I read it wrong, but I think they just thought I'd pay them for keeping the dog overnight. I might have even offered under different circumstances.

ROFL I'd be interested to hear that story.

If anyone steals my dog, I'll ****ing kill them. He's not a pup anymore, and doesn't run off. Anyone pulls that shit on me, and I'll likely be less nice than you.

I just wish I knew someone who was handy and wanted some extra money doing projects for me. I'd pay them fair but wouldn't feel like I was getting ass raped like every time I hire a plumber or electrical.

Did you end up paying? If not, did they say anything after you refused to pay and took your dog?

Every. ****ing. Day.

My new computer has pissed me off. For some reason, my speakers now only have sound out of the right one. I've gone and checked the balance, drivers, everything. Maybe my sound card is fugged already. I guess I can unplug everything, get inside the unit and reseat the sound card and *hope* that fixes the problem. But, I am doubtful. Why don't machines just work??

I'm not a huge dog lover but this was a principle thing. If the dog was shot by a neighbor for doing something he shouldn't, I wouldn't really care or blame them. It's my own fault if the dog were chasing cows or killing chickens or something like that....but he wasn't.


The Life and Times of the Dumbest Pony in the world.

I bought my kids a pony....It was fine when the kids met it, but hated me the minute I loaded it to bring it home. The kids could hang on her, ride her and no issues, but she'd run by me and try to kick me from behind, or push into me when I was leading the kids.....blatant disrespect. She hated me and I started hating her back.

Brideowanian tells a story about the time we were walking in the pasture and the wonder pony kept running by trying to kick me. At one point I got mad and tried to spin kick her in the face when she ran by....I'm sure it looked ridiculous like it sounds when I type it.

every time I showed an act of kindness, she punshed me for it. I'd tie her out in good grass, and she'd pull the stake and run off. I'd feed her apples and she'd do something stupid like bust a gate open. I spent a 100 degree day building her a new pen near my pond and she swam around the fence and ran away and tore up a garden. Her worst mistake was biting me hard enough to draw blood when I was trimming her feet....it was hate after that.

Then she started getting out and running away....and I'd go find her in a pasture with other horses and she'd run away. Crap like that. Twice, she'd find the biggest hippy in the area who do things hippies do like grow vegetables for farmers market and stomp their garden up.....so I'd pay for it and bring her back home. Several times the only reason she lived was because I knew my kids loved her.

It was escalating......I'd have put that bitch on a Malaysian airliner to be an al queda sex slave, but I sold her to a cowboy who breaks horses, for his kids instead.

A while back the former owner asked me where she was and I told him "I sent her to hell where she belongs"...and then confessed the truth.

Stupidest horse ever.

LMAO I'm a fairly decent mechanic and have done some advanced stuff. It's always the simple parts that piss me the **** off.

No I didn't pay. I told him to give me my ****ing dog. I guess you could say my tone was unfriendly...the wife brought the dog over, he stepped out of the way and I took the dog from her. I don't think they said a word. I'm not positive but after I picked the dog up I think I said "have a nice day" or something like that.

I don't know but I think it was the smartass way he said "maybe you've heard of a finders fee" more than asking for $20. If the dog had just ran away and they'd have found him near their home, I'd have offered to pay them before they asked. I don't expect anyone to handle my responsibilities or feed my animals. Pretty sure they hadn't.

It could have escalated quickly. I wasn't paying and I wasn't leaving without the dog after he said that.

ROFL

There is some absolute hilarity in that shit. Thanks for sharing. I'm not much of a livestock man myself. I'd rather dick with a motor than an unruly fourlegs. But I do have a lot of respect for legitimately good livestock guys.

As for mechanic stuff and home repairs it is almost always the small thing that is the biggest headache.

One of my isues is always getting the traps to not leak when I'm putting in sinks.

Generally, the "sound card" is mounted to the motherboard, unless you're running a recording studio or working in post-production and using a third party high end card/convertor(s).

Have you checked the cable(s)? How about the speakers themselves? Does the left speaker work when plugged into the cable that's providing sound?

Ironic timing.

I swear every time I go out of my way for an animal..........

So, the same pup mentioned above....due to the cold I brought into the garage. I went out to get something and check on him....and I find a pair of $200 hunting boots chewed up and a seat from a tree stand destroyed.

He's lucky one of my new years resolutions is to be slower to anger, or he'd be tied out in front of a korean buffet in 10 minutes. Guess I should have left him with where he was.

ROFL

Seriously, there are no Koreans around anyway.

A teacher friend is from Cambodia. When he was a kid, he had a dog. His parents gave it away to someone. He went to see it a few days later and the guy said it was 'gone'

I also see he got into some hand warmers and has black dust spread all over behind my truck. What an unappreciative asshole.

They sell a socket that fits those for about 7bucks. It's even made to clear that plastic intake.


http://www.autotoolworld.com/product...FSwLMgodVmAAeg


Makes it simple

This. I'll fix anything on any car.

I'm pissed before I even touch anything on a house

Thanks. I'm not sure that will get enough clearance but I'm going to order that bitch.

Try working on a 15 year old jeep. Rust is a bitch.

I use one just about every day. You can put a long extension on it. It's made specifically for that

On some intakes you can only break it loose and get the cap past the o ring then unscrew it the rest by hand, just watch the socket to intake clearance as it unscrews

When I was in high school dad made me drag a rod weeder out of the weed row that hadn't moved since I'd been alive.

The worst though is fertilizer. You can run a piece of machinery forever with no problems. Run 1 ****ing gallon of 10-34-0 and every bearing is froze and every bolt is rusted in.


I know all about rusty bolts. Neverseez where you can.

Thanks man. I'm ordering that bitch right now.

Yesterday I went out to drive my car to Rawhide Harley for a part, and noticed a bottle of 5w40 sitting in my passenger seat had been apparently leaking for who knows, probably a few days. Entire bottom of the seat it ruined. Probably a little less than 1/4 of the qt leaked out I suspect.
Not just a little spot. The entire area where your legs and ass would go is covered in oil.
Awesome.

I had to sawzall so many things because the bolts were seized on. PB Blaster, torch and a BFH are my best friends when working on my jeep.

It wicks. That ****ing sucks dude.


Car-part.com.


Find one the same color

:hmmm:

Thanks. I'll look into that

I've used PB Blaster, and I don't like it. It's mostly BFH and torch. I had a millright tell me one time that if you have a frozen bolt, squirt brake fluid on it, and leave it for an hour or so and it'll be loose. I haven't tried it since he told me about it, but you bet your ass I'm going to try it.

I have also heard about mixing acetone and ATF. Probably try it next time.

PB Blaster didn't do shit to this seized up nut, FWIW. That shit has never worked for me.

Spare tires are my Waterloo. Wife has a Saturn Outlook. The ****ing spare is on a crank that lowers to the ground and then you have to angle the ****ing crank deal just right to slip off the spare. On Chiefs opening day 2013 I had to stop,on I 70 at Little Blue River after she got a rear drivers side flat. Not only was the ground shaking from the traffic, I had to get that ****ing spare off and change the tire.

It took two hours to get it done in between losing my mind as semis barreled down the interstate.

Never again. I'll tow the mf'er before I ever try that again.

I will forever cuss the asshole that took my Jeep mudding.
5 minutes of fun in the mud = a life time of shit falling in my face every time I get under it to work on anything.

I'm so bad at mechanical stuff that I can click on a thread and somehow end up on a good housekeeping site.

Did anyone here say NFL officiating?

If not put me down for some of that. And waiting in lines when other workers stand around at some places. That pisses me off something ferocious.

heard this one too..used for freeing up stuck choke cables, etc...

I bought a bettery yesterday and installed it without a hitch, almost feel bad....

I don't mess with cables or terminals when they start to deterioate... I just replace them.

Good old "witch's brew".

I get along better with Kroil but it's not near as cheap.

Wow that takes a pair to go around boosting people's pets and ransoming them off when the owner shows up. I have a feeling they are not going to last very long on this side of the dirt if they keep that up.

Somewhere inside this pile of cockamamie hog shit lies the reason why I currently have no power in half of my basement. Should be no trouble at all to track the problem down.

http://oi62.tinypic.com/znv421.jpg

ROFL

You've got the bug too!

Kano kroil

I put in a new garbage disposal today. Didn't go too bad (minor cuts on my hand from the edge of the drain). All finished and I go flip the breaker, run inside and flip the switch. Nothing. I'm postive that I had good connections on the wiring, and I fiddle with the reset cutout on the bottom of the disposal, flip the breaker back and forth again, and still nothing. I almost decided to put it off until later. Then thought better of it and went to turn off the breaker again so i could check the wiring.

Oh. When I went to turn the breaker back on, I turned off a second circuit instead of turning the one that was off back on. Flipped both breakers on and I was good to go.