Frozen Pizza and Life
 

I went to the grocery store tonight to hunt dinner, and decided that a frozen pizza was the way to go. The village cheered when I brought it home, and we used every part of it as part of our pact with The Great Creator in the Sky.

But anyway, back to the point.

Our grocery store arranges the frozen pizzas by price. On the far left, you've got the Totinos and other stuff that's food in name only. Then you move to the right with Tony's and then Red Baron and Home Run (blech) in the middle. As you move further right you get to the highest-priced stuff like DiGiorno and the overpriced California pizza kitchen.

As I stared at the pizza freezers making my decision, I had an epiphany about life. I thought back to my high school days when I was more or less a third worlder, and in those days there was no option but Totino's. I ate it and I liked it because it was a treat. I didn't get it very often.

Then I got into college and actually did okay on money, and I graduated to Tony's where possible, going the Totino's route only when money got tight. After graduation, when I got a real job, it was Tony's all the way for years.

Then I got married. Dual income, no kids, and frankly it wasn't an issue to pay more for a frozen pizza. I stood at the freezers tonight and grabbed a DiGiorno for $8.49, an act that would have been unthinkable for the first half of my life.

I'm in my prime earning years right now, making reasonable money with few financial worries. If I want to eat out of the right side of the pizza case, I can do it. No problem.

But a time will come when I can't eat out of the right side. I'll retire and I'll have to watch my money and my savings will dwindle, and at some point I'll start eating Tony's again. But this time I'll eat Tony's with the memory of once having DiGiorno. That might make my pizza night melancholy.

And the end of the story is inevitable. I'll be an old man sitting in my house watching TV, and I'll heat up my Totino's pizza and I'll consider it a treat because I don't get to have it very often. Eventually the police will do a welfare check because I'm not paying my property taxes, and they'll find my mummified body in a chair, holding a piece of mummified Totino's.

I wish they would rearrange that pizza freezer.

I hope you die of a DiGiornio-induced heart attack before you have to go back to that poverty frozen pizza (AKA poverty poverty).

Tony's is garbage in a box, I'd take Totinos over that crap any day

Totino's is the best frozen pizza in the store. Your best years are both behind you and ahead of you.

I'd rather eat a Tony's than DiGiorno.

I can't think of ANY frozen pizza that is worse than Tony's. Maybe Jack's.

I will eat Totino's ten times out of ten over eating Tony's.

DiGiorno for $8.49, no thanks,

DiGiorno's sucks.

Tombstone is much better.

Totino's is good for a snack.

I think some of you are already dead. Or at least your taste buds are.

I noticed that Rain Man didn't mention Tombstone. I didn't want to make him feel bad so I didn't bring it up.

I get California Pizza Kitchen, thin crust frozen pizzas are the only ones I'll eat.

Tombstone was awesome when I was a kid but they don't taste as good as they used to imo.

I find jacks and tombstone on sale 3 for 9 bucks every week. If I was going to spend that, I'm calling Fun House with a coupon.

you can't tell me with a straight face that DiGiorno is 4 TIMES better than a Tony's.

**** Tonys

eat Jenos

http://mojosavings.com/wp-content/up...enos-Pizza.jpg

Also, freschetta brick oven for the win

I never buy DiGiorno, ever. But if you held me at gunpoint and said "Pay me 9 bucks for this DiGiorno or eat this Tony's and I'll give you 9 dollars" I will absolutely be paying out of pocket for DiGiorno.

Jenos is just a pickled asshole's facsimile of Totinos.

Hahahahahahaha.....this.

You know, I've never eaten a Tony's before.

I tried Jack's for the first time a couple of years ago and was surprised that I liked it. It looked like a knockoff brand to me.

I honestly don't care for digiorno.

ROFL

it's a which shitty pizza is the shittiest faceoff

It totally is and also there has never been a battle I've been more prepared for.

Eh, I still go for a crappy Totino's now and then.

Totino's and Jeno's are made by the same parent company, General Mills, and in the same plant in Wellston, Ohio [source]. They are essentially the same pizza but for the fact that "Jeno's by Totino's Crisp'n Tasty" pizzas are smaller and are billed as "Pizza For One" on the box. (The box pictured here must be an older version.)

Totino's Party Pizza is slightly bigger and as such would only feed a very sad party.

:facepalm:
http://slice.seriouseats.com/archive...za-period.html

A guy I knew in college always crooned this sad song whenever he made a frozen pizza that went like "pizAAAAAA for onnnnnneeee."

Red Baron is as cheap as I'll go.

Bravo! This should be a movie. Don't call it rain man tho. Yano people will think your slow but good at math. Then they'll miss the pizza thing altogether.

Papa Murphy's is the closest I come to frozen pizza. And it's not frozen.

Stone brothers for dinner, key and tomb. Welcome to my high school friends facebook.

Not much gets over your head George, but clearly we aren't talking about that. Any dummy would choose Papa Murphy's over a frozen pizza! I love me some P-Murphs!

P-Murphs!
Pappy Murf!
Daddy M-Dawg's!
'Phy's!

I'm not sure that the greater meaning of the frozen pizza freezer is being discussed here.

Those little Red Baron pizzas are surprisingly decent all things considered

Small enough for a snack.


toss the extra shredded cheese on them and you're good to go

digarno'sstuffed crust is the only way to go.. For 8.50 i hope it was stuffed crust@

Speaking of life, does anyone know which brands of pizza are covered by food stamps or can I choose the higher costing ones?

I didn't know they made Jenos anymore, I thought Totino's bought 'em out of the shitty pizza business?

Looking past the cycle of life we all got distracted by shitty pizza

For $5.00 get fast and ready. Much better and dont have to cook.

I guess you missed the frozen part of this convo, Eddie.

It was garlic crust. I almost went with the stuffed crust, but my wife's not crazy about it.

Y'know, I can understand that.

I LOVE Red Barron Special Deluxe pizza. It's outstanding and costs $3 or less at HyVee. My kids love it too.

Really Lew, for $5 bucks, fast & ready is nothing but frozen cooked for you.

Take a shitty frozen pizza and put it in the microwave. Heat it until the crust is soft and the "cheese" is very melted. Then dump hot sauce on it and roll it like a burrito. Bam, I just made your twilight years a bit more livable.

Even though The Dish closed their restaurant in Liberty, I'm glad you can still buy their frozen pizzas. That's about the only decent brand I've had.

I don't like frozen. Too many options that are more cost effective. The lone exception is when I get baked I'll eat a Totino's about twice a decade. I'm not opposed too poverty food but buying frozen pizza makes no sense too me when I can get fresh for less or real close to the same price.

red baron, mfker!

Totinos party pizzas 4 for $4 at Price Chopper

I had a Shakespeare's frozen pizza....tasted nothing like the real thing and tasted like ass.

I live in CoMo and just don't understand the love for Shakespeare's pizza. It sucks IMHO.

Isn't frozen pizza already a dollar each?

The slices at the campus location are wonderful, IMO. I spent a lot of lunches there during grad school, so a part of it is likely nostalgia, with the atmosphere playing a role. It's why I never visit the other locations.

A veggie slice, a pepperoni, and an iced tea for $5 was just about perfect.

I find that Red Baron makes a lot of sense at its particular price point. Totinos is probably the one I purchase the most though because I am usually eating a frozen pizza by myself and I feel fat eating an entire Red Baron pizza.

Red Baron Supreme pizzas are pretty good for a frozen pizza. Add on some cheese and it passes for a cheap quick meal when you are busy. $3 to feed me, my wife and my 3 year old? Not bad

I like Red Baron the best. Never had Tonys.

To gay it up... Lean Cuisine three meat deep dish pizza is actually pretty good.

Slightly off topic; Anyone in Phoenix know where to get a good taco pizza, or equivalent?

I'll be damned if I can find one. In Phoenix...

Tombstone.

I've been thinking the same thing but your taste changes as you get older.

Has it changed?

;)Yeah I tried that shit too...nothing like the real thing.

For frozen, I prefer Totino's or Red Baron. I actively don't like the high end frozen pizzas. I'm in that valley where it's a reasonable facsimile of real pizza , but not real pizza.




Shakespeare's was good, but for that style I'd take G&D's every time.

Totinos rocks, best crust in the biz by far... but they made a HUGE mistake when they got rid of their crumbly pork sausage with fennel seed in it, now its just little puke nuggets that are no different than any other brands bland sausage.

And yes, CPK is the most overpriced crap in the entire pizza aisle.

In the end, they wait for you to die, think they know how much each will get, and if forced to will give you a hot pocket and they tell you its a cinnamon roll.

Leave nothing to the unappreciative bastards.

We have 3 or 4 different pizza joints locally that sell $5 pizzas. It pains me to spend more than that on a frozen pizza that is an inferior product.

We haven't done frozen pizza in years. We live in Florida, so anytime someone from St Louis comes to visit us we have them bring a block or 2 of Provel cheese for us. Then we make homemade Imos. And it's so much better than any frozen pizza, and most pizza places too.

I don't have much to add other than to avoid the Aldi brand frozen pizzas. It has like a weird sweet sauce and is hands down the worst frozen pizza I've had.

Totinos with added ingredients is good

[QUOTE
Shakespeare's was good, but for that style I'd take G&D's every time.[/QUOTE]

You used to eat at the Goat and Dog?

I used to go there for a cheap steak, but the radio station I worked at was sponsored by Shakes, so we'd get free pizzas sent over to us all the time.

It was faaaaaaabulous.

I don't think i've had a frozen pizza in over a decade. They were pretty bad last time I had one

Heck yeah, Goat and Dog! I've been to the steakhouse a handful of times, but my go-to was their pizza joint at Stadium and Broadway.

That Chinese joint next door (House of Chow) was outstanding, too.

who's Tony?

NTTAWWT

all the totinos love makes me have hope for humanity.
read the OP and when I read
"On the far left, you've got the Totinos and other stuff that's food in name only."
I was all.....ON NO YOU DIH-ENT!

love me some Totinos. I throw extra cheese and pepperonis on it......but it's still Totinos!

Frank of...totino is midget food

The triple meat Totino's is my favorite. But at 1580 mg sodium per pizza, it's very far away from my diet plan.

a midget can't even hang by the time I'm done doctoring it up! :D

I prefer Tombstone. Doctor them up a little, You're good to go.

Probably the worst I've felt after eating frozen pizza was when I ate an entire Home Run Inn frozen pizza by myself. Nothing against the quality of that frozen pizza - it is well above average. But they put like a whole pound of cheese on those things. Too much food weight for solo consumption.

HR frozen pizza sucks.

This actually made me grimace.

I don't really disagree in that I think basically all frozen pizza sucks. But also I'm not listening to you about pizza, because I think Shakespeare's rules. :)