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-   -   Science Do you know how to pee into a urinal? (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=278578)

Fat Elvis 11-14-2013 11:55 AM

Do you know how to pee into a urinal?
 
You may be doing it wrong.

Now you can learn the right way to take a wizz.

http://sc.news.yahoo.com/best-way-pe...111300267.html

Quote:

The best way to pee into a urinal, according to science
By Chris Gayomali | The Week – Fri, Nov 8, 2013


You're probably doing it wrong.

Now that we know the best way to get a bartender's attention, let's turn our attention toward the inevitable restroom break that will soon follow.

The sad truth is that men's restrooms aren't the most sanitary places, largely because adult human males are not very good at urinating, as if the male brain briefly shuts down whenever hands and penises join together.

But fear not! There is hope. Tackling the dire problem of urinal splash-back, a team of fluid dynamics researchers from Brigham Young University — who call themselves the "whizz-kids" — set out to discover the absolute best spot for dudes to aim at when they're relieving themselves.

Now, perhaps you're the kind of guy who aims for the blue urinal cake at the bottom as if it were a Space Invader. Or maybe you take a step or two back to test your flow's strength. If you do either of these, I must kindly ask that you stop immediately. You're making a mess.

Both methods are prone to creating splash-back, which gets urine all over your shoes, and more embarrassingly, the front of your pants. Peepee pants are not a good look. Plus, you're leaving rude little puddles for the rest of us to awkwardly plant our feet around, depriving us of the basic dignity of a sturdy base. "We've all been in disgusting toilets with puddles on the floor," researcher Tadd Truscott told BBC News, "these places are a breeding ground for bacteria."

That splash is due to a fluid dynamics term called the Rayleigh Instability. Basically your stream loses power about 6 inches from the urethra, scattering your spray into messy droplets.

With a little effort, you can change. The physicists — using a nozzle and thankfully not the real thing to simulate how liquid flows from the male member — tested all sorts of peeing angles to figure out the safest way to urinate, and recorded the results on high-speed cameras. This, according to the study, is the optimal way to pee:

…men should stand as close to the urinal as possible they advise. Also helpful is directing the stream to hit the back of the urinal at a downward angle. That creates less splash-back and the drops that do bounce, head downwards into the urinal drain. Conversely, to prevent messing one's trousers (or angering neighbors) they suggest men not spray directly into the urinal or into the pool that forms at the bottom of the urinal, both cause a lot of splash-back. [PhysOrg]

SEE ALSO: Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and the Tea Party's 2016 problem

So. Stand real close, aim for the back at a slightly downward angle, and let things flow naturally down the porcelain like a Zen waterfall. The guy next in line will thank you.
Here is a helpful video demonstration, too:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/UgOx7zPtsaM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

(FWIW, I thought the "SEE ALSO" was hilarious.)

BlackHelicopters 11-14-2013 12:04 PM

No wonder my pants are always moist.

Rain Man 11-14-2013 12:06 PM

Thanks. This will be helpful. I never actually got any formal training.

KChiefer 11-14-2013 12:09 PM

LMAO

I was just telling a girl about this at the bar last weekend. To me it's best to stand toward the side a bit and aim straight with a slight downward angle. The concave shape will make the pee wrap around or splash at a right angle rather than splash back.

mikeyis4dcats. 11-14-2013 12:09 PM

I always aim about an inch or so above the water line or a few inches above the drain

The Franchise 11-14-2013 12:09 PM

Waste of money.

They should be doing a study on why I still have 2 or 3 drops.....no matter how many times I shake it.

wazu 11-14-2013 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis (Post 10186679)
The guy next in line will thank you.

He really doesn't need to. Not pissing all over myself will be it's own reward.

Nzoner 11-14-2013 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pestilence (Post 10186717)
Waste of money.

They should be doing a study on why I still have 2 or 3 drops.....no matter how many times I shake it.

This

allen_kcCard 11-14-2013 12:14 PM

In some country..can't remember where, their urinals have the image of a fly in the porcelain of the best place for pissers to hit. Guys will aim at this spot just like anything else that ends up in there and if they aim at it, it is the best position to piss cleanly.

Beef Supreme 11-14-2013 12:16 PM

I always stand as far back as I can and shoot for the distance record.

Donger 11-14-2013 12:19 PM

The first goal should be to ACTUALLY GET THE URINE INTO THE URINAL. I don't think I've ever used a pubic restroom where the floor in front of the urinal isn't soaking wet with pee....

Men are ****ing disgusting.

Dayze 11-14-2013 12:23 PM

I'm always amazed at how cold and shallow the water is

loochy 11-14-2013 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pestilence (Post 10186717)
Waste of money.

They should be doing a study on why I still have 2 or 3 drops.....no matter how many times I shake it.

kind of squeeze it out like you are milking a cow, then shake

Rain Man 11-14-2013 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikeyis4dcats. (Post 10186716)
I always aim about an inch or so above the water line or a few inches above the drain


It's more fun, though, to aim up and get that nice parabolic arc.

Pepe Silvia 11-14-2013 12:57 PM

Doesn't anyone just take a piss and go on with their day anymore?

Grim 11-14-2013 12:58 PM

What's the proper form for pooping in a urinal?
I hate getting poop splashed back on me.

NinerDoug 11-14-2013 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pestilence (Post 10186717)
Waste of money.

They should be doing a study on why I still have 2 or 3 drops.....no matter how many times I shake it.

Shake it more than three times and you're playing with it.

Canofbier 11-14-2013 01:06 PM

Ehh, I usually just go to the stalls when I can and sit down to piss, societal norms be damned. Assuming that some moronic asshole hasn't sprayed piss all over the seat, it's cleaner. It's also closer to the biologically intended "bathroom squat" than standing is, so far less risk of extra drippage.

NinerDoug 11-14-2013 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canofbier (Post 10186904)
Ehh, I usually just go to the stalls when I can and sit down to piss, societal norms be damned. Assuming that some moronic asshole hasn't sprayed piss all over the seat, it's cleaner. It's also closer to the biologically intended "bathroom squat" than standing is, so far less risk of extra drippage.

Pee-squatter, eh?

NinerDoug 11-14-2013 01:26 PM

Was at a stand up comedy club once and the comedian was talking about guys using hydraulics to wash away the shit stains in toilets. He said "there isn't a guy in this room who hasn't done that."

Anyone want to deny it?

Donger 11-14-2013 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NinerDoug (Post 10186974)
Was at a stand up comedy club once and the comedian was talking about guys using hydraulics to wash away the shit stains in toilets. He said "there isn't a guy in this room who hasn't done that."

Anyone want to deny it?

Hydraulics?

ping2000 11-14-2013 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger (Post 10186766)
The first goal should be to ACTUALLY GET THE URINE INTO THE URINAL. I don't think I've ever used a pubic restroom where the floor in front of the urinal isn't soaking wet with pee....

Men are ****ing disgusting.

Gross is guys wearing flip flops in the can at Arrowhead. Might as well just piss on your own feet.

BlackHelicopters 11-14-2013 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NinerDoug (Post 10186974)
Was at a stand up comedy club once and the comedian was talking about guys using hydraulics to wash away the shit stains in toilets. He said "there isn't a guy in this room who hasn't done that."

Anyone want to deny it?

Hydraulics? I'll deny it.

InChiefsHeaven 11-14-2013 01:34 PM

What if you have wood? Huh? They don't cover THAT in this tutorial!

loochy 11-14-2013 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger (Post 10186981)
Hydraulics?

http://homeisbest.com/wp-content/upl...hing-house.gif

Fish 11-14-2013 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pestilence (Post 10186717)
Waste of money.

They should be doing a study on why I still have 2 or 3 drops.....no matter how many times I shake it.

The key is tricking the penis. You have to grab your penis and start making the motion like you're tucking it back into your pants. Then at the last second before it's actually in your pants, whip it back out and take care of those last few drops.

Katipan 11-14-2013 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fish (Post 10187003)
The key is tricking the penis.

I would embroider that on a pillow.

MikeMaslowski 11-14-2013 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by allen_kcCard (Post 10186738)
In some country..can't remember where, their urinals have the image of a fly in the porcelain of the best place for pissers to hit. Guys will aim at this spot just like anything else that ends up in there and if they aim at it, it is the best position to piss cleanly.

At Army training in K-town Germany they had stickers of Osama and Saddam. Pretty funny.

Molitoth 11-14-2013 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fish (Post 10187003)
The key is tricking the penis. You have to grab your penis and start making the motion like you're tucking it back into your pants. Then at the last second before it's actually in your pants, whip it back out and take care of those last few drops.

LMAO

MahiMike 11-14-2013 02:14 PM

I'll never forget when I was in Belgium, they had the pissers out in the hallway on the way TO the bathrooms. Not sure if the girls were selecting their dates that way or not.

Donger 11-14-2013 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fish (Post 10187003)
The key is tricking the penis.

The good news is that that particular organ is easily fooled.

mikeyis4dcats. 11-14-2013 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canofbier (Post 10186904)
Ehh, I usually just go to the stalls when I can and sit down to piss, societal norms be damned. Assuming that some moronic asshole hasn't sprayed piss all over the seat, it's cleaner. It's also closer to the biologically intended "bathroom squat" than standing is, so far less risk of extra drippage.

:hmmm:

a public toilet seat is cleaner than peeing in a urinal? :doh!:

Canofbier 11-14-2013 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikeyis4dcats. (Post 10187137)
:hmmm:

a public toilet seat is cleaner than peeing in a urinal? :doh!:

I'm not talking about bacteria, more about not getting piss all over myself or my clothes. I peace-out of any stall that doesn't look freshly cleaned.

loochy 11-14-2013 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger (Post 10187135)
The good news is that that particular organ is easily fooled.

http://www.coolest-homemade-costumes...3-21297944.jpg

Dayze 11-14-2013 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fish (Post 10187003)
The key is tricking the penis. You have to grab your penis and start making the motion like you're tucking it back into your pants. Then at the last second before it's actually in your pants, whip it back out and take care of those last few drops.

ahh. the 'ol tricklin' dick trick.

CrazyPhuD 11-14-2013 02:47 PM

I know how to properly poop in a urinal. Does that count?

cosmo20002 11-14-2013 02:50 PM

I've done a side-shot for years. Banking it off the side = no splash-back

cosmo20002 11-14-2013 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canofbier (Post 10186904)
Ehh, I usually just go to the stalls when I can and sit down to piss, societal norms be damned. Assuming that some moronic asshole hasn't sprayed piss all over the seat, it's cleaner. It's also closer to the biologically intended "bathroom squat" than standing is, so far less risk of extra drippage.

Wha?

In my experience, there is exactly one time per day when there ISN'T piss all over the seat--the time between it being cleaned and the time when the first customer steps up.

The Franchise 11-14-2013 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fish (Post 10187003)
The key is tricking the penis. You have to grab your penis and start making the motion like you're tucking it back into your pants. Then at the last second before it's actually in your pants, whip it back out and take care of those last few drops.

You are the smartest man alive!

Pepe Silvia 11-14-2013 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fish (Post 10187003)
The key is tricking the penis. You have to grab your penis and start making the motion like you're tucking it back into your pants. Then at the last second before it's actually in your pants, whip it back out and take care of those last few drops.

http://ist1-1.filesor.com/pimpandhos...KjgK/lolol.gif

cosmo20002 11-14-2013 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger (Post 10186766)
The first goal should be to ACTUALLY GET THE URINE INTO THE URINAL. I don't think I've ever used a pubic restroom where the floor in front of the urinal isn't soaking wet with pee....

Men are ****ing disgusting.

I'm no clean freak, but I hate even walking in there. It's like the ****ing animals using the place aren't even trying.

cosmo20002 11-14-2013 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NinerDoug (Post 10186974)
Was at a stand up comedy club once and the comedian was talking about guys using hydraulics to wash away the shit stains in toilets. He said "there isn't a guy in this room who hasn't done that."

Anyone want to deny it?

I deny knowing what that means, but it doesn't really sound like anything I've done.

Bwana 11-14-2013 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger (Post 10186766)
The first goal should be to ACTUALLY GET THE URINE INTO THE URINAL. I don't think I've ever used a pubic restroom where the floor in front of the urinal isn't soaking wet with pee....

Airports are the worst. You have to stand there, not get your bag wet and figure out how to pee without standing in the giant lake at the base of the pisser.

Imon Yourside 11-14-2013 03:04 PM

Just use the sinks, they look like better urinals thesedays anyways. You may get a few strange looks but piss on them.

Donger 11-14-2013 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bwana (Post 10187280)
Airports are the worst. You have to stand there, not get your bag wet and figure out how to pee without standing in the giant lake at the base of the pisser.

Indeed. I finally lost it yesterday after realizing I wouldn't make it home without having to take a leak. Went into the bathroom and had to wait. While waiting, three guys came right out of the crappers and bypassed the sinks. I couldn't help it. I yelled in my best Dad voice, "Wash your filthy ****ing hands! With soap!" Two of the guys stopped and sheepishly washed their hands. The other guy just walked right past me. I did get some applause though, which was admittedly weird.

Buehler445 11-14-2013 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bwana (Post 10187280)
Airports are the worst. You have to stand there, not get your bag wet and figure out how to pee without standing in the giant lake at the base of the pisser.

Yeah, that's when traveling with the wife is preferable. She holds the bags while I piss, I hold the bags while she pisses. Extra time, but epic win.

Sweet Daddy Hate 11-14-2013 06:40 PM

My penis has a natural left-hook that allows me to avoid this embarrassing scenario.

Thx!

Mr. Flopnuts 11-14-2013 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger (Post 10187338)
Indeed. I finally lost it yesterday after realizing I wouldn't make it home without having to take a leak. Went into the bathroom and had to wait. While waiting, three guys came right out of the crappers and bypassed the sinks. I couldn't help it. I yelled in my best Dad voice, "Wash your filthy ****ing hands! With soap!" Two of the guys stopped and sheepishly washed their hands. The other guy just walked right past me. I did get some applause though, which was admittedly weird.

No you didn't.

bevischief 11-14-2013 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger (Post 10187338)
Indeed. I finally lost it yesterday after realizing I wouldn't make it home without having to take a leak. Went into the bathroom and had to wait. While waiting, three guys came right out of the crappers and bypassed the sinks. I couldn't help it. I yelled in my best Dad voice, "Wash your filthy ****ing hands! With soap!" Two of the guys stopped and sheepishly washed their hands. The other guy just walked right past me. I did get some applause though, which was admittedly weird.

ROFL

Demonpenz 11-14-2013 07:17 PM

buzzard beach is a good place.

Fat Elvis 11-14-2013 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger (Post 10187338)
Indeed. I finally lost it yesterday after realizing I wouldn't make it home without having to take a leak. Went into the bathroom and had to wait. While waiting, three guys came right out of the crappers and bypassed the sinks. I couldn't help it. I yelled in my best Dad voice, "Wash your filthy ****ing hands! With soap!" Two of the guys stopped and sheepishly washed their hands. The other guy just walked right past me. I did get some applause though, which was admittedly weird.

Do you not know how to wipe your ass without getting poop on your hands?

jwilson 11-14-2013 09:35 PM

I always thought you were supposed to sit on the urinals and hold your dick down until it touches the water? Might explain the herpes

Bewbies 11-14-2013 09:55 PM

I don't ever use urinals. Who the **** wants to wear pee around all night?


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