If Adam Teicher reported on regular news stories what would the headlines be?
 

Captain impressed by what he's seen of the Titanic.

Can't think of any more without getting too political but come up with your own fluff headlines for Americas least insightful sports reporter.

WE LANDED ON THE MOON!

scientists shocked to learn that human body needs water and oxygen to survive.

Research shows that tornadoes are a major contributor to homeowner's insurance claims in Oklahoma.

A detailed report as to how he lands less tang than a nun.

Recent reports suggest that JFK was assassinated, did not die of natural causes.

Grass is green, sky is blue, water is wet.

Pain starts in nerve endings.

"Boring obvious headline with a slight play on words"

"My poop was runny"

Chief concerns and Royal pains.

Parents find out kids like ice cream.

JFC, reporters/columnist's don't decide the headlines of their story.

"Cock in balls all day eve day"

Mayor optimistic about town

Most cars require petroleum.

President feels ready to lead, despite doubters.

Studies have shown that suicide bombers have very little knowledge of their successes and failures.

People visiting local park figure out squirrels like nuts.

Independence Day set to be held on July 4th this year.

Chiefs to play home games at Arrowhead, sources say.....

Ford Pinto poised to replace Ferrari as preferred sports car of billionaires.

"Hitler was in fact a Nazi; Brittney has a divorce; And we give a review on Al Pacino's new Film, Scarface, coming up next after the jump"

The poor average less income than the average household.

Sex with fat girls, not usually a good idea.

Scientist Confident Tornados May Be Caused By High Winds

Headlines are written by editors, most blame writer.

Gamma Rays are bad. Sunblock shows promise and may push for a roster spot.

Adam Teicher reports that sources that must remain anonymous have tipped him off that there may be hidden innuendos in the new "I shipped my pants" commercial currently airing for K-Mart.
I must stress to you that this is not yet 100% confirmed to be truth.

Another story about Luke Joeckel.

Fisher to Anchor the Right Side of the Line.

Oh Shit, I Totally Forgot That Happens

That's a pretty shitty title.

County assessor likes what he sees in rising property values.

Then the midgets.....

covered their eyes

Avoiding cum facials

The Chiefs PR department wrote most of the KC Star Chief articles. Or might as well of.

Yeah, but they are having to do the best they can with shitty, lame content. The sad part is that the headlines actually over-hype the articles themselves.

Royals hope to score more runs.

God bless his editor. I'd do the same ****ing thing with his lame-assed writing every time he brought it to my desk.