I learned some stuff about hippos today
 

One of my friends is working in Tanzania currently, and for part of his vacation he went on safari. Some of the pictures he brought back are hella cool. He was telling me that the best pictures he took by far are the ones of the hippos, simply because he was lucky and had a cab driver who wasn't afraid to get close to see them. I didn't understand what he meant, but he explained to me that of all human deaths by animals, hippos are the most dangerous. They kill far more people than any other animal. They will eat anything that accidentally wanders onto their territory. Lions, gazelles, birds, humans... ****ing crocodiles sometimes.

The other reason why the hippo picture was so impressive was because the stench of these animals is un****ingbearable. He was saying that these are some of the most disgusting mammalian creatures in existence. The hippos he encountered were all hanging out in their own pool. That's kind of where they spend all of their time. ALL of their time. They shit in there, too. They spend almost all of their time bathing in their own shit. Literally, the pool/pond is low-oxygen. Turbid. It doesn't drain, either, so they just shit in it day in and day out. Only a few species of fish can survive in there.

I'm posting his side of the story from our AIM chat log. Paraphrasing his words probably isn't going to be as effective:


(4:01:00 PM) and i saw one of them do it
(4:01:11 PM) it stood up out of the water and let out this continuous blast
(4:01:21 PM) but then it also spun its fat little tail
(4:01:22 PM) like a propeller
(4:01:25 PM) so shit literally
(4:01:27 PM) hit the fan
(4:01:28 PM) and went every which way
(4:01:37 PM) onto the heads of its fellow hippos
(4:01:42 PM) then it sat down

I'm letting you all know this incase you ever find yourselves in an area of the world where hippos live in the wild. Be warned by the strong stench of stale watery shit. If you are not naturally deterred and foolishly continue investigating, keep your eyes peeled for hippos. For the love of God, watch out. Because they are assholes, and will eat anything and everything. So unless you want to suffer the shittiest fate imaginable, where you get shit on, ripped to shreds, eaten, and pooped out into a pond of year-old hippo diarrhea, WATCH YOURSELF. Beware of hippos.

Hippos rock. My favorite part of the Topeka Zoo since I was a kid is the hippo tank. I can spend hours there.

Pics or it didnt happen.

Photographic evidence (this is his picture; you won't find this anywhere else using a google search):

Hippos will kill your ass.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/P1Flr7JhPow" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I'm guessing this is what he meant...

This is better...

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/jSZgkFtV-Ao" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

WOW LMAO

Well, there you have it. Science.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippopotamus#Aggression

I've seen Clayton try that. Most of it winds up on himself.

"Well I think we're done."

LMAO

Wow, I am really immature.

By the way, pooping in the water was the first thing I thought of when I saw the word "hippo".

I bow down to the mighty hippo...I thought I could rip a mean fart, but I am humbled beyond words by this massive, muscular mammal-mountain of molten shit that makes its own thunder.

I salute you, great water-horse!

I don't think Hippo's "eat people" They eat plants, but they do kill people by drowning them, and they also kill Crocs by bashing their skulls in, but I don't believe they ever eat them.

Hippos kill more people than any other animal in Africa.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/45mmWoSzIAY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Hippos are bad ass and most people don't know it. I think the only other animal that kills more people is dogs.

Too fat / Omaha

Hippos are not to be ****ed with. The saying in Africa is, "Never get between a hippo and his territorial waters." They'll be picking you up with a sponge.

Funny that two of the more docile looking animals are the most dangerous. The Hippo and the Cape Buffalo.

I saw a doc once on South American hippos. A drug lord brought them down to have on his property, he died or got arrested, and now they live in a river there sort of wild.

The water even looks disgusting.

I mean -- who else wouldn't enjoy hanging around in water all day, while bathing in your own shit getting a tan?

That sounds magnificent!

Agreed. And if I could ever pass gas like that hippo in the video, sign me up now!

Hippos will kill other hippos, too. I've seen video where a juvenile comes to close to an adult male and he just grabs it in his mouth and shakes it all around until it dies.

I was at a zoo that had an underwater viewing area of the hippo habitat, and I thought it was hilarious because it's just a murky, greenish-yellow tub of shit and piss. And the accompanying sign explained that all accurately.

It was my favorite exhibit.

Hippo's and Cp'ers are like two peas in a pod. A bunch of gasbags that can't stop flinging poo.

I wonder how many pounds of pressure are behind those jaws everytime it locks down a bite?

I know crocs have like 2000lbs of pressure everytime their jaws clamp. Those pounds of pressure is equivalent to having an elevator filled with 8-10 people.

I saw that documentary. It was one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen.

That's what happens when you **** with the uhhh HIPPO BAUUUUUUCE!!!!

ROFL

But from the couple other comments I have read. Yeah watch out because they will eat you.

"heep... heep hop... heephopannonymous...? You always give him the easy ones!"

Those things are like overgrown acquatic hogs. I wonder if they'd taste good comin' out of the smoker:hmmm:

I don't know. People apparently eat them though.

http://www.arkive.org/media/D4/D48C6...ed-carcass.jpg

I'm not going anywhere I'm not considered the zenith of the food chain...

Would you believe they can also easily outrun humans?

Also interesting is "Hippo sweat"...

Hippos also sweat a special red secretion, that happens to be the best "sunscreen" in the world. And on top of being better sunscreen than what chemists can create, it also happens to be naturally antiseptic, and an insect repellent.

http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/2808/hippo0837.jpg

Watching those videos reminded me of this gem:

http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l2...phantinmud.jpg

Interesting info. Thanks.

People tend to underestimate hippos also because they have the proportions of a baby - big head, short limbs, fat belly - and that makes us think (on some primeval level) that they are as harmless as one. That is, of course, according to an article I read years ago, but it makes sense to me.

When I was in Africa, we went to an estuary that had a bunch of hippos. The interesting thing that I learned is that they don't swim. When they move in a river, they sink down to the bottom and do a "leap and glide" that seems pretty efficient. When we saw a hippo moving, we could trace its path because every 50 feet or so there would be a small muddy patch in the water where the hippo had kicked off the bottom.

I looked at the picture before i read what you typed. I literally had no idea wtf i was looking at. I thought it was a bloody guy with his arm ripped off and pus draining.


That was an awesome thread.

To mark territory, hippos spin their tails while defecating to distribute their excrement over a greater area

meh. I do that and I don't even have a tail.

You use your finger or what?

On "An Idiot Abroad", Ricky Gervais had Karl Pilkington stay in a home where they had a pet hippo. Damned thing walked around the house like a dog.

Lol

I bet it took evolution a couple million years to figure out how to do that.

that would be because people are stupid enough to get close to them
nobody is gonna try to touch a lion
think about it, why they look sorta like cattle, I can just walk among them

evolution in action

Evolution can brew up the ultimate warrior in the animal kingdom with a half cheetah/ half hippo.

Hippo vs. Rhino.

Who's winning in a skr8 up fight?

Back in the day when the Roman Coliseum was the place to see and be seen those Romans would put everything from lions, tigers, leopards, elephants, hippos and rhinos in the ring with the Gladiators.

Could you imagine the poor sap going against any one of them? Take your pick, doesn't matter much, your time on earth will be measured in seconds now. Not days and years. My goodness that would be brutal.

I'll put money on ThaVirus in that shit. Skr8 up, yo.

Bad alligator.

<a href="http://www.fugly.com/pictures/22340/hippo-eating-a-crocodile.html">Hippo Eating A Crocodile<br><img src="http://www.fugly.com/p/2b6ac4241a6c144dc822" border="0"></a><br><a href="http://www.fugly.com">See more funny pictures and videos at Fugly.</a>

Throw me in with a loincloth and a teacup. I'll come out with a lion-skin jacket.

Unfortunately, it will be covered in hippo feces

Stylish avatar :D

Well, technically they weren't gladiators if they went against animals - they were either outright sacrifices, or what they called bestiarii, pit fighters specialized in fighting animals. Gladiators just fought each other. I know; nitpick, nitpick, nitpick.

There was supposed to be a Maximus vs. a rhino scene in Gladiator, but they cut it because I suppose it was one fight too many. They storyboarded it, though, and those show up on the DVD. It would have been sweet; I think he defeated it by having it get its horn stuck in the wooden wall. They also had a throwing-the-Christians-to-the-lions scene, which they actually shot, but then they cut it because they said the lions looked too listless and bored.

Still funny... LMAO

Brings a whole new meaning to "Smelling like shit."

Lies. Google found a match for your image:

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/i...gTfRjkmyFah_6t

I think their closest living relatives are whales, or something crazy like that.

Someone feels better

burp, I know I do.

I learned some stuff about hippos today
 

Yeah, I think they call them "water horses".

EDIT: Nope, it was "river horse". Apparently that's what the Greeks called them back in the day.

mmmmmm. Hippo brisket.

http://io9.com/the-remarkable-early-...pot-1493356004

Love, love, LOVE that show!!!!

It really is a show [2 limited run series as yet, 6-8 episodes each] made for CPers, a homebody with a blunt amusing take on the world, 'forced' by Gervais and Merchant to expand his horizons. They send him all over the world to see the beauty and the squalor in it all.

He strapped as a wing walker on a biplane had me pissing my pants in laughter.

It's probably even better if you're acquainted with Karl through Gervais' podcast, which was turned into an HBO animated series, because his lines of reasoning were just begging for animation

I still think the very first episode in china was the best. I was in tears.

It's great. I've seen a few episodes on NetFlix. I'd recommend it.