Psycho ex-stories
 

I just broke up with my girlfriend this weekend and she isn't taking very well. And by well I mean with a shred of effing sanity. Some crazy shit has been going down. I think she might start stalking me. She came by to get the last of her stuff from my apartment. I went to my room to check to make sure she had everything, when I came out her and my mp3 player were gone. I went to ask for it back and she kept denying it. I wrote it off and left, happy never to talk to her again. I went and played video games at my friend's for a couple hours, then went to quiktrip for some food. While I am eating my hot dog in the parking lot, I look over and there she is. Keep in mind this is twenty minutes from where I live and from where she lives. This means she was driving around for at least forty minutes looking for me. She gets in my car and starts sobbing, telling me she can't sleep and all she can do is cry. I ask for my stuff back and she says no. I tell her to get out of my car and she says no. Finally a cop walks up and asks if everything is okay, before I can tell him to remove the bitch from my car she gets out. She called well over 20 times since then and I am starting to get a little nervous.

How about your craziest ex's? rep to the worst

For future reference:

They can't do any of that crap if they're 6 feet under in the back yard.

That's taking a big chance, don't you think?

Better to dismember the body and put each part in a separate trash bag, then drop each bag in a different Dumpster around town.

lol.

You guys aren't thinking this through. Buy a little concrete and punch a hole in the basement floor. There's no reason to take this stuff outdoors.

Just be sure to carpet the basement afterwards. And it wouldn't hurt to make a bunch of holes. Even if they show up, the cops won't want to dig up all of them.

You don't think much of this girl do you; I mean you had her move in with you and here you are talking about her like she's some crazy lunatic. She obviously took the whole moving in thing very seriously so she's obviously upset - give her a few weeks and I bet you will see it die down.

I know you didn't ask for my opinion, but sounds like she's sad dude, give her a break - unless of course some real craziness reveals itself. then kill her, cook her and feed her to your friends, the ones you play video games with. That'll teach her.

:shake:
Whoa, that's taking things a little far don't you think?

Lets just say she revealed a very ugly side of herself over the weekend and I lost a lot of respect for her.

I think he was talking about your own back yard, not his.

You're still using her for sex, right? She sounds needy and desperate enough to do lots of freaky things in a humiliating attempt to please you. That could pay off handsomely for you.

You've BOTH got it wrong.

Strangle the bitch.

Buy a bag of lime.

Dig a hole in your backyard at about 1 am.

Put the body in the hole.

Cover the body with lime.

Cover the hole with dirt.

No evidence will ever be found.

dude, you got nothing on one of my exes--don't feel like going into the gory detail, but that b*tch was fucked up

-EB-

If you're going to go to that much trouble, then just freeze the body, cut it up with a chain saw and feed it through a wood chipper.

This girl wasn't even an ex, but she was crazy:

While backpacking in Greece and camping on a beach on the isle of Crete (wow, this is already sounding J. Peterman-esque), my tent blew through a barbed wire fence. Long story short, I ended up meeting some German fraulein who took pity on me and let me stay in her pension with her. We stayed together for a couple of days, had some good times, then it was time for me to move to another locale. Of course we exchanged addresses.

Anyway, she starts writing me letters, and I occassionally wrote back. But her letters started pouring in at the rate of 3-4 a week and they averaged between 4-5 pages each. I started to get freaked out, and I stopped writing her. The letters kept pouring in, with an occassional reference to her wanting to come to the United States.

Then it happened. I was coming home from a class, and the chick is waiting on my front porch. She'd flown to Arkansas from Germany and found me. Not only that, but she had no transportation, no lodging, and was staying for a month. Sooo, she moved in for a very awkward month. Luckily, one of my friend's sisters who had little to do at the time took mercy on us both and took her to St. Louis and some other places.

I actually felt really bad, because I was to blame for a lot of the mess, but I never, ever thought that she'd actually fly from Germany to Arkansas without even really telling me.

The more I think about it, the more I'm intrigued by chagrin's "cook her and feed her to your friends" idea. That has possibilities.

Do you have any nude pictures and a phone number? I like freaky chicks.

Most of my psycho ex stories are actually detailed somewhere in the archives of this board. My psycho ex can beat up anybody's psycho ex. I'd wager anything on that.

So what did you do with the body?

"If you make people bleed from their ears and anus...you might possibly be, the...Ebola virus"

"If you walk into a room and poeple scream, ahh! It's the Ebola virus! Then you could be identified as the Ebola virus"

"If you find yourself getting mad because aids gets more publicity than you, you just might be the Ebola virus."

He's lucky he lives in Arkansas. There's LOTS of places to dispose of bodies there. Woods, rivers, old refrigerators, trunks of old cars up on cinder blocks ...

At the very least it sounds like bullshit

:p

You'd have to do some kind of stew or soup recipe, though, because if you just cooked her whole like a turkey, it'd probably arouse suspicion.

That's an awesome story. I had a girl I met the night I left for bootcamp - she was enroute to the airforce and I to the Marines. I looked her up when I got back and we hung out a little. After I arrived at Quantico she started with all this "I Love You" and I'm moving there to be with you stuff. I never even hit that. Heh heh. Scary girls.

Shortly after High School I broke up with Krystal to be with my high school sweetheart again. Krystal wasn't very happy about the whole thing so she proceeds to carve Tina's name into her arm with a knife. So, if you see a girl named Krystal walking around with a "Tina" scar on her arm you can ask her if she still takes it in the butt.

So you're saying the whole apple-in-the-mouth thing is a no-go?

Dude already said he was from Arkansas. Just go with the roadkill angle. Jeesh.

dude, I could whip up a Gumbo with that chick that'll knock 'em dead...err umm, bad expression, eh?

It just occurred to me in reading this thread. Is it possible that we're all the crazy ex's in our past relationships?

She wasn't really an "ex" per-se, but a girl I used to know once posted about me on her blog. I didn't know she cared. This was like 2 years after the fact, too.

Who is the stalker in this situation?

Man I always thought I had a decent stalker story, but NewChief has me dominated. Oh well, here's the story anyway:

This chick that was friends with one of my buddies' little sisters developed a little bit of a crush on me when we were in HS. (She's like 3 yrs younger than me). Anyway, it started with her going with my buddy's family to our HS basketball games to watch us play. Then it escalated into her coming by herself. Of course I got the mandatory 10-15 call-and-hang-up-when-I-answer's a week.

That in itself is a pretty lame story and I'm sure it happens all the time. But one night she dragged a friend of hers out to my parents house and started taking pictures of our house, my car, her doing weird shit (like cartwheels) in our yard... etc. I guess my mom watched her for a bit to try to figure out wtf was going on and then, this is the best part, ran her off and CHASED HER DOWN. I can't remember where she caught her at, but she put the fear of God into her about what would happen if she ever showed up again. I didn't hear a whole lot out of her after that.

ROFL

Let me guess. She was eating a hot dog at QuikTrip, and she looked over and saw you?

Mike,

Your lucky you didn't marry her. First they cry, then they sue. I have been pretty lucky in this area I only had one but she wasn't as bad as you guys make yours sound. Fortunately for me she had another ex she could go cry to that wanted to give it another shot. I still remember when they picked her shit up. She told him I might attack him. ROFL
I was like "good luck man". I shook his hand and helped him get her shit out of my house. I even offered to buy the poor sap lunch. The look of bewilderment on his face was priceless as I think he began to wonder if what he was doing was the right thing. As soon as she moved I got another place. For 2 years only my closest friends knew my address and my phone number.

The Bobs suggest breaking up on a Friday in an attempt to avoid any confrontation. Had you followed their advice...

Dang it. Your typing speed has improved since you went over to Warpaint.

No, that is wrong and I do not want to encourage her at all.

No one.

I always wondered where my sister got those scars you son of a bitch.

I don't have a good stalker story, but I've got a semi-lame one from my single days.

I had broken up from a long-time relationship, and moved to a place near my job. After a month or so, she started calling and wanting to get back together, since the married men she was cheating on me with had apparently lost their luster.

Lo and behold, when this woman's lease expired, out of the entire city of St. Louis, she moved to the closest apartment complex possible to my house, even though it was a long drive from her job. She wanted to meet again, and by this time I had already met my wife and was getting serious with her.

In the meantime, my company had had massive layoffs, and I was out the door. I was packing to move to Texas with my future wife when this woman called again and wanted to meet. She'd heard about the layoffs, and wanted to know about my job. I told her I'd been laid off, but everything was fine. She then asked if I was staying in St. Louis. Yep, sure am. Well, tell me if you're going to move, because I really want to stay in touch with you. Yep, sure will. You promise? Yep.

A few days later, I was on the road to Texas. I never heard from her again.

Perhaps I should have changed the names, no?

Somebody should go check the basement of your old house in St. Louis.

[Well, tell me if you're going to move, because I really want to stay in touch with you. Yep, sure will. You promise? Yep.

A few days later, I was on the road to Texas. I never heard from her again.[/QUOTE]

_____________________________________________________________

I miss you...why don't you call me anymore? I drive by your appartment everyday. I even carved your name in my arms next to Tina's.

I don't really have any psychos following me around stil. They are all pretty normal.

Most of them are married, because the rule is that the guy after me is the one they get married to. Clockwork.

That was before I figured out the whole basement thing. (Picking teeth.)

Sure. Why don't you come over to my place...for dinner.

ROFL ROFL ROFL REP

That was mean.

Man, there sure are some twisted ****ers that post here on the planet.








I love this place.

Thanks.

No kidding. Eating a hot dog from a convenience store?!?

In high school, one of my friends casually mentioned in a group conversation that he always wanted to have a stalker, so I took it upon myself to leave random notes made from cut-out letters from magazines, cans of spam, and dead flowers, in his locker, and anywhere else I thought he would find them. He thought it was awesome to have a stalker who would leave him cans of spam.

That's so cute.

Now, how would YOU dispose of the body?

I know a guy who has a pig farm in western Kansas- he helps me out on the rare occasion I need it...

I'm guessing a Human/SPAM stew


mmm....Spam

Could be worse, at least you find out who she is now.

18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo kids got you for 18 years
I know somebody payin child support for one of his kids
His baby momma's car's crib is bigger than his
You will see him on TV Any Given Sunday
Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was spose to buy ya shorty TYCO with ya money
She went to the doctor got lipo with ya money
She walkin around lookin like Michael with ya money
Should of got that insured, GEICO for ya moneeey( your money)
If you aint no punk holla We Want Prenupt
WE WANT PRENUPT!, Yeaah
It's something that you need to have
Cause when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on the 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his

Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (Well I'm in Need)
But she aint messin wit no broke *****z(can you feel me ma)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm in Need)
but she aint messin wit no broke *****z(i gotta leave)

I love Sinatra. :thumb:

I've never had one go psycho on me after the breakup because they all do that while I'm still with them. The worst was the one that I was actually living with. She's bitching to me for a month about how we don't have enough money, then suddenly two days go by with no money talk. I'm thinking she must have finally gotten over it, but no, she show up with a new car. A couple of days later she shows up with a new TV that she paid for with some financing deal. Then she takes to leaving dishes around the apt. until the food on them molds, letting her cat puke on the floor and leaving it forever, etc. Finally I "forgot her birthday", which pissed her off and got her to leave. Best part was she took the TV, but the bills kept coming because she had put the f**ker in my name. Seems she couldn't get the credit herself. Not quite sure to this day how she pulled that one off, though.

Someone actually did this in real life on Court TV. They found the body.

Someone actually did this in real life on Court TV. They found the body.

Someone actually did this in real life on Court TV. They found the body.

Note to you killers out there:

You're the first place they're going to look.

Someone actually did this in real life on Court TV. They found the body.

Ok - we heard ya!

Someone actually did this in real life on Court TV. They found the body.

Well, it was just stupid to do it on TV.

If you're going to do it you need to get REALLY creative. Get back together with her and take a make-up trip to some romantic third world country. Make sure her friends and family see you two happily reunited and be damn sure one sees you two get on the plane together.

Once there, wait a couple of days then get in a fight big enough to get her to leave. AFTER she's gone through the ticket counter and checked in at the airport appologize your butt off and coax her back to the hotel. NOW whack her. Who gives a crap what you do with the body, the cops won't care and the locals will just be happy to have a shot at a white chick.

A couple of days later start calling her friends and family back in the US. Tell them you had a big argument and she left in a huff, you are trying to find her and get her to come back over to finish the vacation. Make sure someone has discovered that she did check in at the airport, then fly home to continue your search, OJ-style.

I have learned in my Short time on this earth... ALL WOMEN ARE NUCKING FUTZ

Shortly after I got to my ship, the MS Chief (cook) got whacked in his bed. I remember having a big ceremony in the helo hangar for the widow and the 2 kids. About a week later the police arrested her for the murder.

The Navy had increased life insurance from $100G to $250G and she and her boyfrirnd decided they's kill the chief for the money. In the middle of the night she let the BY in the apartment. The BY then bludged him to death. Then she took a sleeping pill and lay down in the bloody bed, so she could say that she'd taken a sleeping pill and woke up not knowing what had happened.

What makes this especially cold, is the reports that he was still alive and dying when she crawled in bed.

Turns out the BY rolled over on her and told the whole story. Must have had second thoughts about sleeping with a woman that would do something like that.

You're from Fargo, right? Where is the money?

This is not so much a psycho-ex story, but she is an ex.
I broke up with a girl because she answered the phone while giving me a bj. It was her Mom and my girlfriend left without fulfilling her duty. No fricking jailbait comments, we were both in our 20's...

Kinda "Seinfeld-ish", but never-the-less, I was pissed off. I called her the next day to end it. How could I stay with a girl that wasn't committed to something she started?

Maybe this should split off into a Break-up Reasons thread.

Ah yes, the famous Mr. Woo farm north of Hays.... ROFL

Probably good thinking on his part. I know that I'd have a lot of trouble sleeping in that situation.

Thankfully I've never had a psycho ex.

I would like to tell my story, but the b!*$& killed me.

She won't be able to come home if I destroy her papers. She is a mexican national.

It's hard to have a psycho ex if you don't have an ex.

There's your answer right there. Whack her in the desert outside Juarez, and even if they find her she'll just get added to the list.

Don't get caught, though, or they'll frame you for the other 500 bodies they've found out there.

Here's my stalker story. I was fooling around with an older woman when she fell in love. I told her that it was just about a good time for me from day one. She would drive all over town or even out of town looking for me if my car wasn't at my house. She scratched my car and any females car who came over, flattened my tires, and even brought the police to my house asking for some stuff she gave me back. She would try to walk around to the back of the house and look in the basement window to see what I was doing. She was really out there. I tried to be nice about the whole thing the final straw was when she tried to run me over with her van. Needless to say I snapped and before I knew I had her halfway thru the van window getting ready to give her the ass whipping of her life. Luckily my brother was there and pulled me back. After that for some strange reason she left me alone.

ROFL ROFL ROFL REP

I'll give you a 4 for effort, a 2 for execution.

I know i have some crazy Bitch story but I cant seem to remember any of it...

:hmmm:

Oh yeah I remember why

:bong:

Thats okay, I can still remember your craziest bitch. via Olathe North