This sucks..Divorce. What is the best Online "D" site to use?
 

Been married for 24 yrs. 2 kids (18 son and 20 daughter), he is going Ks Nat Guard/KU(Pit St) ROTC route to be an officer, she graduates in 3 yrs, major int'l studies (whatever that is) minor bus minor soc.

Wife is German, met whilst in the Army Frankfurt. Did Desert Storm etc . Left Army as Capt and started my own bus. You look back, the hand writing is on the wall.

To get married, I called the Justice of the Peace in E-town (outside Ft Knox)..what does it take to get married. 30 min, $50. Put me down for 1:00pm next day. Next call was to an attourney...what does it take to get divorced. Uncontested...$200 and 30 min. Done. Married..1992.

She is a firecracker...good and bad. Smart and a Neat Freak. Through the yrs there have been many issues. Won't go into them yet. Asked a client which happens to be a Judge, years ago about keeping the kids (after wife went weirdo and put her hand through a glass window). Judge said no way to get kids???

Years flash forward. Stuff happens...small. We have talked D.

Last couple points. She was away in Germany for a month. She is, as mentioned before, a neat freak. I built a stairway into her loft (major deal), sweep, mop, dust, the whole house...cleaned the toilets. First thing she says when she comes home was "you didn't clean the microwave".

Last night, I asked if we could snuggle for a bit. ( We don't sleep in the same room, I snore) She didn't answer, later went up to her room and she is watching a internet German Soap Opera in bed. I asked which is more important...soap or snuggle. Soap. Last straw.

Thus this post.

So, this type of stuff has happened through years and am done. I have 20 yrs left (aged 52) and don't want to do this anymore...

She doesn't love me, I want to and do...but can't. 2 way street. Thus the D word.

Really don't want it to get nasty, nor her. I found a on-line D site. You fill out the forms and take it to a judge.

Which is the best one?

I wanna have fun my next 20 yrs( sex 3 times thus far this year:() , not be bitched at. Kids are gone, thus that issue is mute.

Thoughts?

Sorry, I need to see Jamal have more carries to see if he can carry the rock full time. NOW it is a football thread.

Thanks

Sorry to hear that. I really wish you the best.

also, it DOES get easier.

Hire a competent lawyer.

Don't **** around.

Look in forward to hearing your stories of plowing hidden fatty 4s on POFish..so will steer you there.

this

I have no advice to give you. Married 26 years and no mention of D-word. I would lawyer up though if I was in your situation.

I'm not sure I'd trust an online site for something like that. Everything you own will be on the table.

Oh, and pics of her since she'll soon be single?

No clue

Understand. Have a friend that did the "D" and did the docs on line. They both knew it was for the best and didn't have to pay an lawyer. Went to the Judge and done.

An aside...I had my G-moms trust updated to add 2 other trustees. To add 2 sentences to amend the original doc cost $375! Lord knows what it would cost to do a divorce?

I have the wife over a barrel. First we both agree, we don't want to be together. The kids are out of the picture. If we split 50/50, then I have rights to her land/property over in Germany...fair amount of assets.

We signed a piece of paper that said "Yours in Germany is yours, mine in US is mine". This was in our basement. Not notarized just a piece of paper.

In the end, why spend a boat load on lawyers if we agree? If it turns nasty, I have spoken to my attorney to help.

Thus the best web site for the docs.

You wanna see pics of a 49 yr old?

I think she is still ~hot~, you should have seen her when she was 25:drool:

Basically, she was the only travel agent on post with 20,000 men, Freidburg, same post the Elvis did his tour. I landed her. It has been a nice ride, kids etc...but both agree the ride is over.

Thus simple docs, no attorney's (useless money), but will have my attorney on retainer is stuff flies.

Again, best site?

**** her - don't give her any more of your attention - time to move on if she's not cherishing you in the same manner. Seriously you deserve better!

yuppers

now it is apathy

I spent a lot of my time trying to force, shape, create basically FIND ways for a person to like me - It's NOT worth it and it NEVER works - no more of that - once you learn that lesson - You'll never settle for anything less. I'm not being a wise-guy - I'm only trying to help!

:clap: Sage advice right here

Thought you were lookin for an online meat market Holladay...whoops misread

hahah

Gotcha

Same boat for twenty some odd years. I am done, been done for years, but didn't have the balls to do it. I had a dream about it last night..confirmation.

Basic point, hit 52 last week. I got 20 yrs left. Don't wanna do this for another 20 yrs.

Then an ephanany (sp) hit...don't have too. Kids are gone etc. Change is hard, but the end result a lot of fun and no bitch to worry about hounding me.

Why do you keep saying you have 20 years left?

We used a paralegal for ours. Real cheap. It's just paperwork. Unless there is a protracted battle, that should work for you. We settled the separation of stuff before applying.

well good. I wish you well, I really do.

One thing to keep in mind.

While you're thinking of the easiest way to finalize it, she's looking at how to **** you over the hardest.

With your story you won't have any problem finding a woman who wants to have fun/live life like you do. Best wishes on your new adventure/chapter!!!!

:clap:

not always true either. But usually is - My ex didn't want that - just wanted out.

I don't know much, but I'd agree with this.

Sorry to hear about your situation. I really do hope you find happiness.

You've heard of the phrase penny wise and pound foolish, right?

you will hurt, but the best thing to do is focus on bettering your life by taking care of your needs. No relationship is perfect t but going based off your description and my own experience, she didn't appreciate you nor truly loved you. You will realize once you find a better compliment what true love is and what it means to be longed for. If you do the things you love and build yourself up positively you will find someone with a similar mindset naturally. Put yourself in the right environment.

If it involves major assets, it's always smart to lawyer up. You may think she's willing to work with you now, but feelings change and she may get contemptuous advice and bite you in the ass. Lawyer fees are worth it when dealing with valuables.. money comes and goes

Man, thanks for your thoughts.

She is a great "business partner/family manager" with a sharp german tongue! With the kids gone...don't think I need that anymore. I was fantizing about finding another girl with "match.com". Boy, I was gonna be restrictive...that prolly would blow me outta the water from the start. lol.

But the new ADVENTURE. I haven't had that for 25 yrs.

I'm thinking, she knows what is going on. She has a bunch of assets in Germany. 50/50. She doesn't want to loss those. I don't want them. Kids gone...easy. Show her the online docs...discuss..sign.

If she pulls a Linda Blair (Exorcist for you youngsters...nice tits btw), do the attorney route.

Again, she has assets, thats the leverage.

There is no affair (other dude or duddette for me...yet), just fallen out of love.

She has expecting me to have talked to the attorney. Even has said "well, what did the attorney say".

This should be fine. I just wanted some CP ideas. If you hear of mutil gun shot deaths in lil Hiawatha, you will know it didn't go as planned. BIG JOKE. some CPer's are gonna freak. hheheh

I know. That is why I have been putting this off for so long. Now, understanding my mortality of ~20 yrs (would put me at aged 72), shit or get off the pot. I will be doing both and hoping. Not that it is necessarliy bad, no abuse etc, just no fun.

I want fun. Thoughts thou, at this age, what is FUN. What makes you happy.

(DARN....NEW CAN OF WORMS)

Bed time for Bonzo

It took me too a while to figure that out for myself too.

What you see is what you get.

I make that clear from the beginning in a relationship and don't have a problem telling any woman that.

Get an attorney. Better safe than sorry,

I have never once heard any of my friends say "boy I wish I hadn't wasted that money on a lawyer for my divorce". On the other hand I've heard "that bitch and her lawyer took me to the cleaners" by a lot of them. Choose your camp. If it really is that agreeable then it won't take as much of your lawyer's time and your money and if things get twisted you've got help.

If he's fine with her keeping hers and him keeping his then no need for lawyers (at the initial filling anyway). The state gov site will have the documents you need to print and fill out. If she decides to get cray and go to mediation then lawyer up. Good luck bud go get happy, it's never too late.

Good luck, you are doing the right thing.One of my favorite quotes is from Mike Rowe -

As this is your first (and hopefully last) divorce, I can assure you there are concerns you don't know about. At least pay $500 for a good attorney to go over them with you.

Also, good luck meeting a dude on Match. ;)

Walk away fast. Don't look back. Give her what she wants. Easier. No regrets. Just get out.

As a paralegal, all I can say is that I hope all they did was file for you. Anything else is considered legal advice, which paralegals are not supposed to give. We are not licensed.

Das Scheidung.

Germans have superior minds compared to the rest of the world. But they are annoying as ****. Tell her to go eat some wiener schnitzel & stomp around your house doing whatever the hell you want before they take it away. Make awesome microwave meals that explode all over the microwave while cooking them, and don't clean it up.

The guy always gets ****ed in divorces. It's bullshit.

Cordellcordell.com

Went through this very thing a few years ago.

She was from another state, we separated, and I filed locally. She needed to accrue some time back in her home state to establish residency (or something like that) before she could file for divorce there, meaning any/all court hearings would have been there.

So by filing here, it gave me some leverage to settle on our own, and only use the hearing to make it official.

It was still a pain in the ass. We settled on a cash number, then she would walk away from the house and land. Then she tried upping the number, but if we could settle and sign some documents, she didn't need to appear for the hearing...only me. So I used that as leverage to back her off her newly inflated number. If she wanted that larger amount, she could lawyer up, go to court, and fight me for it...meaning she would ultimately get less than what I was offering by time she factored in travel, lawyer fees, etc. And that worked in my favor.

You gotta talk to a lawyer before you pull the trigger. Even if its mutually agreeable, its still a good idea. They will give you some pretty good insight. In my case, we rolled the division of equity into alimony, so I got a tax break on it.

When it was all said and done, I think my lawyer charged me $900 (which included filing and court fees), and his time for drawing up the settlement, and going to court in another town, etc. Yeah, it seems like a large amount, but really...at the end of the day, that peace of mind in knowing that everything was going to be addressed and finalized made that an easy check to write.

It looks like we are in the same neck of the woods (in fact we probably know some of the same people if I had to guess), so if you want his name/number, PM me. He's over in Doniphan Co. He'll talk to you for free at first, and any time I needed to talk to him, he answered the phone and didn't tack anything on.

Sorry to hear about your divorce, OP.

...but I do love the phrasing of the thread title. To answer your question, I would assume Grinder is the best online D site out there, but I'm straight so idk

Sorry to hear about your situation, but get an attorney just to be on the safe side. After you get this thing wrapped up, start living life again and enjoy yourself.

Good to know

Just be careful. I understand your desire to keep it cheap and amicable. But you cannot depend on that being the case. A handwritten note in the basement isn't going to be legally binding. You're married in the US, and her assets in another country might not be so easily used as leverage once you get down to it. I'd certainly ask a lawyer before assuming it to be the case. I'm afraid I've seen too many fellas stroll into their divorce expecting a nice easy negotiable split with both sides playing nice. And $75,000 and 4 years later they're still in the process. Don't just expect her to do the nice thing because of your prior relationship, even if she currently says she would. If you can do it cheap and without lawyers, go for it. But I'd be damn sure about your legal standing before throwing caution to the wind. Seen too many good fellas waltz into that meat grinder.....

Short hand translation: Bitches be crazy

Good luck OP

It would be best if you can hire a lawyer together-much cheaper. If you agree on all the assets-this is the way to go.

If you hire a lawyer and then she gets one-they are only out for themselves. Billable hours. They are ****ing crooks-all of them. Charge you $100 bucks to send you a letter- $50.00 for a phone call stating - no progress. Lawyers use your emotions against you to "Win" -and in the end it cost you a lot more.

I'm not a divorce lawyer, and any advice on here is worth what you pay for it, but...

1. Do you and the soon-to-be-ex have any agreement regarding paying for college expenses for the kids?

2. While the kids are 18 and legal adults, have you had any discussion or has there been any though about who they will live with? Any consideration of paying food/housing cost for them?

3. You said you own your own business, I believe. What is your ownership interest worth, and how does that weigh against her German assets. Without question, if your ownership interest is worth alot, and more than her German assets, she may start rethinking this "yours is yours and mine is mine" approach.

You can do a quickie divorce, but you should consult with an attorney. If you have a reasonably good one, I'd be pretty surprised if you come back and say he wasn't worth the money.

Best wishes. Divorce sucks. But sex once every three months sucks worse. F that. Good luck!

Hire Joe Cordell.
Then take a dump in your fridge crisper bin.
Set the tone...

watch "Divorce Corp" on Netflix.

that'll get one fired up.

Next step: get out of Hiawatha.

Hire this guy. I hear he is a shark

http://images.zap2it.com/assets/p184..._aa/la-law.jpg

It is life malpractice to at the very least not consult a divorce lawyer.

International property, retirement/military pension, real estate, children, at least 20 years of joint property. No form exists that can even get close.

Do whatever you can to reconcile. That's my advice

Get out now. Fast.

Legal advice.

She doesn't seem to have a lot of emotional investment, and I don't know what assets you have.

Does she have means to support herself post D? If no- assets are going to become a fight.

If assets and finances aren't going to be a problem, & obviously no problem with custody issues, go the cheapest route and be free, but that's a rare situation.

Sorry to hear. I know it's tough, and the biggest adjustment is getting used to new habits and routines no longer with a partner. I'd savor being single and take a break from even thinking about dating and find out who you are, what you like, etc.. A quarter century away from being single and putting family / kids first, I think you are going to find there's a lot of new discovery of your own and your interests and drive.

Mine paid for the lawyer all had to do was sign. Haven't looked back since. I have said f*** it and started on my bucket list. Happiest I have been in years.

F a midget yet bevis?

Typical guy advice. You don't really believe a person can divorce with "no regrets" - maybe it's the best decision but there will usually be SOME regret. The grass isn't always greener.

When my friends talk about marital problems I always ask: "What can you do to improve the marriage?" They act like that never occurred to them. We cause our share of problems but I've seen several friends be patient on this and it does work out more than not.

Hey man, at least now custody isn't a thing. Just houses and stuff. With any luck, she goes back to Germany and you keep the house.

Sorry to hear about your situation man. Good on you for deciding it was time to do something about it. That's never an easy thing to do - but you'll probably be very glad you did it once you are through it. The whole, "life is too short" thing.

Good luck.

I filed my own divorce with an online service. It worked pretty well, although there were several filings that had recent rule changes that the site was unaware of and I had to refile. The court clerk was super helpful in making sure I had the correct filings before putting it in front of the judge. I'd say it was a real success overall, but we weren't fighting about anything. It also helped that california is a no fault state so there is no question of how the division will take place. It is 50/50, no exceptions. Check the statutes for your state in case there are complications. I used legalzoom. 275 dollars plus the extra 85 dollar filing fee for the rule change updates I had to refile. Not a bad deal.

sorry dude, it will get better

PB is right to an extent. Some people don't put out effort to make things better. It's easier to blame the other and give up.

In my rough times, I step back and kick up the effort and the payout return from my wife is great.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of good reasons to get divorced, and not being in love is #1 on the list.

I'd put sex once every three months #1.

You're both wrong. #1 cause for divorce is marriage.

Above all, divorce with and without kids is totally different and should be treated as such. That said:

What does "being in love" even mean? Honestly: marriage is a partnership. A financial and legal partnership above all else. Normally to raise productive children. Being "in love" is way down the list no?

There are 4 good reasons to divorce, the 4 "A's": Adultery, Abandonment, Abuse, Addictions. Not being in love seems to be flimsy to me.

If she had assets before the marriage or brought assets into the marriage through inheritance and they aren't co-mingled... they may not be subject to a 50/50 split.

Likewise if you brought assets into the marriage or inherited assets, and did NOT co mingle them with her...then they could be protected.

Any assets you co mingled or acquired together would be at risk.

I think you need to talk to a lawyer if you have serious assets that are co mingled or acquired together and/ or if her assets in Germany were inherited or brought into the marriage solely by her and not using Co mingled funds...

You may not have as much leverage as you think you do...so discuss this with a lawyer before making assumptions.

Also the leverage from her German assets could be meaningless if you can't get a German court to issue a writ of possession or whatever they have over there...and complete a legal process there to get a judgment, writ, and collect on it.

You should probably just have her killed at this point. I may know a guy.

I'm an attorney, and I do divorces on the side (it's not my main practice area). I can tell you that you may not have to pay as much as you think for decent help. A lot of people just assume it's going to be thousands of dollars, but depending on the specifics of your case you can actually get an uncontested divorce for a reasonable price if you do some digging and call around.

This is not in any way a solicitation, and I'm not in any way suggesting that you hire me, as I know nothing about your case aside from what you posted. I'm just saying check around and you may find a lawyer who can help for just a couple hundred bucks more than what you would pay for forms. *shrug* It's worth spending a couple hours working the phones to see what kind of prices you can get, anyways.

LMAO I love CP.

You all are a GREAT help. Bases upon your comments, I will seek an attorney. The german assets and my business will create some problems. I don't mind helping out, just not bent over.


Daughter has 1.5 yrs left of college. I don't mind helping a bunch on that. Son is going to Ks Natl Guard then college and the military will pay for most of it. They will out of the house this summer. I think the values are close german vs business.


Great point. Her assets is mainly real estate from parents and G-mom. They also have quite a bit in the bank. My business was built with us being married.


Boy have I tried. Roses (until she told me not to waste any more money:(), help around the house a fair amount, ask "what can I do to help" (her response some times is "can't you see for your self"), before she comes home from Germany, I clean the whole house as best as possible (ref. microwave) when does get home, she cleans again...and tells me not to waste my time. Frustrating.


[QUOTE With any luck, she goes back to Germany and you keep the house.][/QUOTE]

This is the end game. At some point in time, soon, she will need to go back to take care of her parents. We are working with her job (virtual travel agent) so she can work over there. I told her when this happens, we will need to divorce. I do not and can not live in Germany unless I sell my business.

She makes OK money (vastly under paid in my view) and has nice health benefits, which I don't. If I pay all the bills, and she is in Germany, she will be fine.

Again, will seek an attorney and thanks again.

Not yet...ROFL

Separate bedrooms should have told you everything you need to know

if I wasn't in love with my better half I wouldn't be with her.

I don't need a partnership. It's not a business. But she happens to be my business partner also. We are in the same place over 90% of the time I would say.


If I didn't love her she probably wouldn't be alive, ROFL.

Not serious, but maybe lol

Not true. Buying into "what should be" based upon other's idea of a relationship or you see on TV is equally bad in poisoning a relationship with expectations and a sense of missing or failure.

Separate bedrooms used to be quite normal. It could be an indicator of problems or simply 2 people who have a sleeping arrangement so they both can get a good night's rest.

He already said he has snoring problems. If the other person is a light sleeper, and most nights is disturbed and woken up, do you think that might not result in them being more cranky if they are woken up night after night?

My parents sleep in separate bedrooms and they've been married for over 40 years. My Mom can't sleep with my Dad's snoring....so my Dad moved into a different room so she could.

I understand.

What I meant was that would have told me it was over.

You should have her post for you as well-I am sure she is not as ignorant as you.

ROFL.

Good one.


Who came up with it? Your tweaker girlfriend or her husband?

I wasn't saying you don't deserve love or that you don't have to give love. I'm referring to the mature kind of love that's patient, and who helps the spouse through a life threatening illness or calamities in the extended family, and goes to funerals and baptisms and that stuff - not 2 love birds batting eyes at each other and kissing in public constantly.


If a couple has both aspects, great! But marriages can and do survive with mature love even if the teen, heart pounding stuff is long gone