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-   -   Life I'm ****ing depressed. No really. (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=288623)

Mr. Flopnuts 11-22-2014 12:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 (Post 11136750)
I went to watch football with the bros

and I've been seeing this other chick

but she's sisters with my ex girlfriend (lololololol)

and she's all like "this is inappropriate it has to stop"

so I texted the other girl who is grossly obsessed with me (don't ask why) so naturally, I hate her

and I was like

fine, come over

and as we were hooking up

I kid you not

she shit on me

have
not
talked
since

I was very nice and mature during the cleanup phase

she kept asking "do you want me to leave?"

Well **** yeah I want you to leave.

But I kept saying no.

Most mature thing I've ever done.
OMFG. What? You plug her in the ass and she was no longer the master of her bowels? Holy shit...

Hootie 11-22-2014 12:50 PM
No. Not at all. I'm 29 years old and have had sex X amount of times and literally have never even had a girl fart during sex.

She was on top of me ... kinda stopped ... and was like, "did you fart?"

She said that to me.

And I was like, "no? wtf?"

and then she was like I have to pee

Got up. I was like ....uh....

so I sat up, and was like "uhhhhhhh."

turned the light on

shit all over

it was THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE

Hootie 11-22-2014 12:51 PM
needless to say that contact no longer exists in my phone

eDave 11-22-2014 12:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 (Post 11136776)
No. Not at all. I'm 29 years old and have had sex X amount of times and literally have never even had a girl fart during sex.

She was on top of me ... kinda stopped ... and was like, "did you fart?"

She said that to me.

And I was like, "no? wtf?"

and then she was like I have to pee

Got up. I was like ....uh....

so I sat up, and was like "uhhhhhhh."

turned the light on

shit all over

it was THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE
Oh dude. I can't stop laughing. Blows my worst hookup story by miles.

LMAO

Don Corlemahomes 11-22-2014 01:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 (Post 11136776)
No. Not at all. I'm 29 years old and have had sex X amount of times and literally have never even had a girl fart during sex.

She was on top of me ... kinda stopped ... and was like, "did you fart?"

She said that to me.

And I was like, "no? wtf?"

and then she was like I have to pee

Got up. I was like ....uh....

so I sat up, and was like "uhhhhhhh."

turned the light on

shit all over

it was THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE
HOLY SHIT THIS IS ****ING HILARIOUS

MTG#10 11-22-2014 01:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 (Post 11136776)
No. Not at all. I'm 29 years old and have had sex X amount of times and literally have never even had a girl fart during sex.

She was on top of me ... kinda stopped ... and was like, "did you fart?"

She said that to me.

And I was like, "no? wtf?"

and then she was like I have to pee

Got up. I was like ....uh....

so I sat up, and was like "uhhhhhhh."

turned the light on

shit all over

it was THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE
:Lin:

Hootie 11-22-2014 01:03 PM
it's funny now

but I tell you what the best moment of my life was when she finally got the clue to leave and then I showered and it was amazing.

amazing

I slept on my couch that night

and then the next day I cleaned my apartment and threw away so many things

my apartment has never been cleaner

amazing

Don Corlemahomes 11-22-2014 01:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 (Post 11136805)
it's funny now

but I tell you what the best moment of my life was when she finally got the clue to leave and then I showered and it was amazing.

amazing

I slept on my couch that night

and then the next day I cleaned my apartment and threw away so many things

my apartment has never been cleaner

amazing
Dear god man. Really? That shit has aerosolized. It's on your tootbrush, towels, walls, floor, lotion you jerk with, etc. Everything. You need a deep cleaning service to cover your place with irradiated clorox.

eDave 11-22-2014 01:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cunning Linguist (Post 11136832)
Dear god man. Really? That shit has aerosolized. It's on your tootbrush, towels, walls, floor, lotion you jerk with, etc. Everything. You need a deep cleaning service to cover your place with irradiated clorox.
Move and burn that shit to the ground.

Hootie 11-22-2014 01:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cunning Linguist (Post 11136832)
Dear god man. Really? That shit has aerosolized. It's on your tootbrush, towels, walls, floor, lotion you jerk with, etc. Everything. You need a deep cleaning service to cover your place with irradiated clorox.
even if I closed my door and cried myself to sleep?

thabear04 11-22-2014 01:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 (Post 11136776)
No. Not at all. I'm 29 years old and have had sex X amount of times and literally have never even had a girl fart during sex.

She was on top of me ... kinda stopped ... and was like, "did you fart?"

She said that to me.

And I was like, "no? wtf?"

and then she was like I have to pee

Got up. I was like ....uh....

so I sat up, and was like "uhhhhhhh."

turned the light on

shit all over

it was THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE
Damn that shit sucks

TLO 11-22-2014 01:39 PM
Ok some of the stuff in this thread did make me smile. LMAO

Thanks for all the input.

Hootie 11-22-2014 01:39 PM
my buddy, who knew the girl (really nice girl), hated the story because he just felt bad for the girl

I did too.

I was super nice about it.

As she finally got the hint to leave, she was like "give me a goodbye kiss" and I was like "omgggggggggggggggggg"

I literally showered for 30 minutes and slept on my couch. It was devastating.

Hootie 11-22-2014 01:40 PM
I sat on my couch, after said shower, and was just relieved that I was single. I was like, "wow, I really enjoy the fact that girl left and the only thing I had to deal with, for however long I wanted, was myself."

being single has perks

Pepe Silvia 11-22-2014 01:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 (Post 11136776)
No. Not at all. I'm 29 years old and have had sex X amount of times and literally have never even had a girl fart during sex.

She was on top of me ... kinda stopped ... and was like, "did you fart?"

She said that to me.

And I was like, "no? wtf?"

and then she was like I have to pee

Got up. I was like ....uh....

so I sat up, and was like "uhhhhhhh."

turned the light on

shit all over

it was THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE
She Puddin' Popped ya huh?


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