That one sounds a little home-made.

Funny, but shoulda been posted in the "Friday goof off" thread not in the "CLEAN" jokes thread.

ROFL

I'm sure I didn't word it exactly how it was, but a history professor I had was full of crap like these... for some reason this is the only one I remember though.

If women with large breasts work at hooters, where do women with one leg work?








IHOP!

Two muffins are baking in an oven.

One muffin turns to the other and says, "It's getting hot in here."

The other muffins turns to the first muffin and says, "Holy hell...a talking muffin!"

Did you hear about the acron that fell asleep one day and when he woke up said, geometry! (Gee, Ah'm a tree).


(Sorry, Joe mentioning bad jokes by a teacher made me remember this from my Algebra 2 teacher.)

Q: What picks its nose, eats toejam, and has skidmarks in its underwear?

A: milehighfan

White Trash Survival Kit



Toilet Paper...........................................................check

Bud Light..............................................................check

Keystone Ice...........................................................check

Budweiser..............................................................check

Red Dog................................................................check

Misc. other bottles of alcohol.........................................check

Piece of plywood to float your chick and booze on......................check

How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog

What's the difference between Invesco Field at Mile High and a Hoover vaccum cleaner?



You can only fit one dirtbag in a Hoover.

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and
falling to sleep.

All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe
standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he
asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and
you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too
young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog
or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is
too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around
with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken housen, really nicely
feathered.

But for some reason he felt like his rear end was gonna explode.

Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told
me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need
to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all
you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then
'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!"

So he clucked again and squeezed.

And you better believe it, there was yet another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You've crapped in the bed.....!!!

ROFLROFLROFLROFL

I heard that joke a little differently. It goes like this:

What's the difference between a biker and a Hoover vaccuum cleaner?

The position of the dirt bag.

A woman's car breaks down on the highway, so she eases over on to the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the hood.

Out of the back seat jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle. They stand facing on-coming traffic, open their coats and expose themselves to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, a traffic tie-up occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" screams the cop.

"Oh, I HAVE read auto safety books, you know." replies the blonde "These are my emergency flashers!"